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Using a dating app - this mans story

Iain

This series of posts is part blog about my experience of a dating app with part dedicated to my autistic traits and also some advice.

Why and how to choose

After 2 and a half years since my divorce I decided it was enough time on my own and I was ready to get back on the dating scene for the first time in 27 years.
It seems to have changed a bit. 


Back when I was last dating there were no mobile phones of consequence, the internet didn't really exist in a usable form and there was a huge amount of luck involved in finding a partner.


From an autistic perspective there was a lot of comfort in my situation of living alone. I had my film library so never was stuck for something good to watch, I had literally thousands of books on subjects I love to read and all my home comforts were in easy reach. No need to socialise, all the sleep I wanted and a routine I had full control over, but I was still becoming lonely.


I took a practical approach - research which dating app platform has the widest use and has decent ratings, do some research on it and get going.


The largest number of users was on Tinder (I have no affiliation, I'm just a user of the service) so I signed up for this at a cost of around £6/month for the gold membership that lets you see who has "liked" you so it makes finding potential matches much easier.

NOTE the posts will be in reverse order so start from the oldest.

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  • Really interesting posts, thanks for sharing. As someone in a not dissimilar position to yourself I've been contemplating online dating for at least the last year and somehow not got round to it. I have zero usable photos of myself and I am unable to smile if someone points a camera at me. A photo of me looking very awkward would be very true to life but I'm not sure it will attract any matches!

  • in reply to MikeMiketyMike
    MikeMiketyMike said:
    I have zero usable photos of myself and I am unable to smile if someone points a camera at me.

    I would recommend getting someone to spend some time with you and take a load of photos in different situations in all sorts of masked poses - I have seen some people do a non smiling range where they look serious but normally add at least one where there is a bit of a grin showing through just to point out that they are not taking it too seriously.

    Through the sheer number of photos they take it should desensitise you and let something more natural come to the fore when you let your defences slip.

    You can also just go fully authentic, have serious pictures and out your autism - this is also a valid strategy that shows you are self aware, but you should take extra care when vetting potential mates as this could also mark you as a target for scammers.

    For me I try to think of the things that make me really happy and put my phone in burst mode so I get a bunch of pics a short time apart so I get more to choose from. Take loads and some are likely to work out through the laws of averages.

    If you never try then how will you ever succeed? Try positive thinking - I found it surprisingly effective.

Reply
  • in reply to MikeMiketyMike
    MikeMiketyMike said:
    I have zero usable photos of myself and I am unable to smile if someone points a camera at me.

    I would recommend getting someone to spend some time with you and take a load of photos in different situations in all sorts of masked poses - I have seen some people do a non smiling range where they look serious but normally add at least one where there is a bit of a grin showing through just to point out that they are not taking it too seriously.

    Through the sheer number of photos they take it should desensitise you and let something more natural come to the fore when you let your defences slip.

    You can also just go fully authentic, have serious pictures and out your autism - this is also a valid strategy that shows you are self aware, but you should take extra care when vetting potential mates as this could also mark you as a target for scammers.

    For me I try to think of the things that make me really happy and put my phone in burst mode so I get a bunch of pics a short time apart so I get more to choose from. Take loads and some are likely to work out through the laws of averages.

    If you never try then how will you ever succeed? Try positive thinking - I found it surprisingly effective.

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