Using a dating app - this mans story

My experiences

Afte a few days I was chatting to 11 women, some only a message here and there and some a long exchange of chats. I found having a document with standard responses to some things sped things up, especially as I had to translate everything into Portuguese and proof read before sending it.

Some of these did not respond much so were largely ignored. Some we didn't really find a communication style that worked, where it felt forced or just didn't feel right so these were largely ignored too.

Some went to the asking for money as I mentioned above and were "unmatched" to get rid of them from the list.

One has become a friend as we share a lot in common but she has little time for actual dating (works full time and goes to uni in the evenings).

From the others:

First dates

Lady #1 - The profile picture were nice and personality when chatting pleasant but in the flesh the lady was significantly larger than her pictures (taken a few years ago she said) - 20kg makes a lot of difference in looks and fitness

I'm not superficial so I overlooked this and we had a good chat, and when it came to a bit of kissing then another issue arose - bad breath (OK this is easily resolved) and she had been smoking (I did ask for non smoking and she said she didn't) - already two details that were either disguised or lied about. She was also evasive about her education having claimed to be uni educated but I don't think she was.

In the end I didn't feel there was enough of a connection so I did send here a break up message after the date which led to a lot of "you don't love me" responses - looks like I dodged a bullet there. I found this step hard as I am a people pleaser by nature and breaking up is hurtful, but it is necessary to learn how to do this in a respectful way.

Lady #2 - The profile pictures were great but there she was 13 years younger than me which would be a social taboo in England but in Brazil it is surprisingly common. She is in her 40s and I'm in my 50s so we are both grown ass adults so I don't see it as an issue.

In the flesh she was amazing, very petite (5'2" to my 5'7" so we fitted well together. We arranged to meet in a shopping centre and I managed to go to the wrong one - similar names but several miles apart. Thanks to Instagram messages we spotted the mistake quickly and I could grab a cab and be there only 20 mins late - way to start the date stressed...

I instantly remembered another unusual characteristic of Brazilian women - when we met face to face for the first time I was greeted with a big french kiss and lots of hugs. I'm glad I did all the freshness routine before leaving the house...

We had a coffee, chatted lots and decided to head out to a big, central shopping street that is closed off on the weekend for padestrians so took the underground. I found myself being snogged on all the escalators which, while very pleasant, was rather distracting.

There was lots of handholding, hugging and constant contact. I recalled that Brazilian women get quite possessive of their men and often are afraid of them "wandering" so keep them on a short leash so to speak. If you have issues with touch or this sort of contact then I would advise speaking to them in the chat before the date to agree any ground rules you need.

The end of the date was a little awkward as neither of us wanted to stop but it was getting late so I offered to see her back to the train - I think neither of us wanted to stop but a first date heading back to someones place was likely to turn naughty so I took the lead and tried to be a gentleman. I need to work more on setting boundaries in advance I think.

This remains an option but now I have a different problem.

Lady #3 - There is another lady I have been chatting with who was actually my first match and we have really hit it off - sending selfies, voice messages and talking about everything. I really like her but there is a bit test still in whether we have chemistry in person.

She is on holiday with family until early January so there will be a wait still to meet her.

My experiences

Afte a few days I was chatting to 11 women, some only a message here and there and some a long exchange of chats. I found having a document with standard responses to some things sped things up, especially as I had to translate everything into Portuguese and proof read before sending it.

Some of these did not respond much so were largely ignored. Some we didn't really find a communication style that worked, where it felt forced or just didn't feel right so these were largely ignored too.

Some went to the asking for money as I mentioned above and were "unmatched" to get rid of them from the list.

One has become a friend as we share a lot in common but she has little time for actual dating (works full time and goes to uni in the evenings).

From the others:

First dates

Lady #1 - The profile picture were nice and personality when chatting pleasant but in the flesh the lady was significantly larger than her pictures (taken a few years ago she said) - 20kg makes a lot of difference in looks and fitness

I'm not superficial so I overlooked this and we had a good chat, and when it came to a bit of kissing then another issue arose - bad breath (OK this is easily resolved) and she had been smoking (I did ask for non smoking and she said she didn't) - already two details that were either disguised or lied about. She was also evasive about her education having claimed to be uni educated but I don't think she was.

In the end I didn't feel there was enough of a connection so I did send here a break up message after the date which led to a lot of "you don't love me" responses - looks like I dodged a bullet there. I found this step hard as I am a people pleaser by nature and breaking up is hurtful, but it is necessary to learn how to do this in a respectful way.

Lady #2 - The profile pictures were great but there she was 13 years younger than me which would be a social taboo in England but in Brazil it is surprisingly common. She is in her 40s and I'm in my 50s so we are both grown ass adults so I don't see it as an issue.

In the flesh she was amazing, very petite (5'2" to my 5'7" so we fitted well together. We arranged to meet in a shopping centre and I managed to go to the wrong one - similar names but several miles apart. Thanks to Instagram messages we spotted the mistake quickly and I could grab a cab and be there only 20 mins late - way to start the date stressed...

I instantly remembered another unusual characteristic of Brazilian women - when we met face to face for the first time I was greeted with a big french kiss and lots of hugs. I'm glad I did all the freshness routine before leaving the house...

We had a coffee, chatted lots and decided to head out to a big, central shopping street that is closed off on the weekend for padestrians so took the underground. I found myself being snogged on all the escalators which, while very pleasant, was rather distracting.

There was lots of handholding, hugging and constant contact. I recalled that Brazilian women get quite possessive of their men and often are afraid of them "wandering" so keep them on a short leash so to speak. If you have issues with touch or this sort of contact then I would advise speaking to them in the chat before the date to agree any ground rules you need.

The end of the date was a little awkward as neither of us wanted to stop but it was getting late so I offered to see her back to the train - I think neither of us wanted to stop but a first date heading back to someones place was likely to turn naughty so I took the lead and tried to be a gentleman. I need to work more on setting boundaries in advance I think.

This remains an option but now I have a different problem.

Lady #3 - There is another lady I have been chatting with who was actually my first match and we have really hit it off - sending selfies, voice messages and talking about everything. I really like her but there is a bit test still in whether we have chemistry in person.

She is on holiday with family until early January so there will be a wait still to meet her.