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Using a dating app - this mans story

Iain

This series of posts is part blog about my experience of a dating app with part dedicated to my autistic traits and also some advice.

Why and how to choose

After 2 and a half years since my divorce I decided it was enough time on my own and I was ready to get back on the dating scene for the first time in 27 years.
It seems to have changed a bit. 


Back when I was last dating there were no mobile phones of consequence, the internet didn't really exist in a usable form and there was a huge amount of luck involved in finding a partner.


From an autistic perspective there was a lot of comfort in my situation of living alone. I had my film library so never was stuck for something good to watch, I had literally thousands of books on subjects I love to read and all my home comforts were in easy reach. No need to socialise, all the sleep I wanted and a routine I had full control over, but I was still becoming lonely.


I took a practical approach - research which dating app platform has the widest use and has decent ratings, do some research on it and get going.


The largest number of users was on Tinder (I have no affiliation, I'm just a user of the service) so I signed up for this at a cost of around £6/month for the gold membership that lets you see who has "liked" you so it makes finding potential matches much easier.

NOTE the posts will be in reverse order so start from the oldest.

Parents

  • Things to look out for.

    For men looking for women, if the womans profile picture shows a lot of flesh then there is a high chance this is an escort, especially where their face is not visible.

    When making early stage chat if you get a message that they have had a terrible day, been robbed, got family in urgent need of medical care etc and they need money - it is a scam. Unmatch them.

    When you find someone who berates you for making any mistakes in the conversation, forgetting a detail they told you previously etc - this is a red flag of an abusive or damaged personality. I recommend avoiding unless humiliation is your kink.

    In the early stages dating more than one person is acceptable but as soon as you want to ask that person to be your partner then you need to have a discussion about exclusivity. Until now they probably have been speaking to dozens of potential partners on the app so both of you need to agree if you will be mutually exclusive otherwise they may get a better offer and leave you.

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  • Things to look out for.

    For men looking for women, if the womans profile picture shows a lot of flesh then there is a high chance this is an escort, especially where their face is not visible.

    When making early stage chat if you get a message that they have had a terrible day, been robbed, got family in urgent need of medical care etc and they need money - it is a scam. Unmatch them.

    When you find someone who berates you for making any mistakes in the conversation, forgetting a detail they told you previously etc - this is a red flag of an abusive or damaged personality. I recommend avoiding unless humiliation is your kink.

    In the early stages dating more than one person is acceptable but as soon as you want to ask that person to be your partner then you need to have a discussion about exclusivity. Until now they probably have been speaking to dozens of potential partners on the app so both of you need to agree if you will be mutually exclusive otherwise they may get a better offer and leave you.

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