Using a dating app - this mans story

using the app

At the start you will just be browsing through the pictures of people and swiping right if you like them and left if they don't feel right. As a rule of thumb I would expect you to send out 10 to 100 likes to each one that likes you back - maybe a higher ratio depending on where you are.

Anxiety about whether you are desirable enough will be high for a while but expect to need to tune your distance and age group values in your profile to start getting matches. Be patient and try not to get too invested into expecting success quickly.

I was lucky a I am in a city of 23 million people and my foreigner status makes me desirable so I got hits quickly, but if you live out in the sticks then your potential dating pool will be way smaller and hence you will need to widen the range and lower your expectations as the odds are against you to a degree.

So you are browsing through one profile after the next, swiping right it they seem interesting, live close by, are attractive to you etc - or swiping left if they have a red flag (eg a smoker) or are unappealing in the looks department. This will add your profile to the que of "likes" for the people you swipe right on for the premium users and if they swipe right on your profile then you make a "match" and this will pop up in the relevant section of the app. Likewise when people swipe right on you but you haven't seen their profile yet then they will appear in your "likes" section if you paid for the premium version of the app.

When you have a match I believe the protocol is that the man makes the first move - at least here. You can send an inital message to them to try to get a converation going if you like or wait for them to message you (a rarity in my experience as a man).

Now I have a problem - what the heck do I say to them. My social anxiety was kicking in here so I ended up searching for suggestions for initial conversations and the general things I found which got responses were:

1 - compliment the person. Say they have a beautiful smile, eyes, they give off an amazing energy or something like that. If it is true then I seen no issue in using the physical attibutes as an opening gambit. I do advise to keep away from commenting about their bodies or anything sexual as that is socially unacceptable.

2 - keep it light. something like "I just wanted to say hello - I saw your pictures and was amazed how bright your eyes are - they sparkle! I see we match on (add criteria here) and I hoped you would want to chat."

3 - be patient. Don't send follow up messages unless you get a response as this can seem a bit stalkerish.

4 - don't spend too much time planning the rest of the conversations - I sometimes do this and it rarely works in the way you expect so fire that shot and step back and go back to the search.

using the app

At the start you will just be browsing through the pictures of people and swiping right if you like them and left if they don't feel right. As a rule of thumb I would expect you to send out 10 to 100 likes to each one that likes you back - maybe a higher ratio depending on where you are.

Anxiety about whether you are desirable enough will be high for a while but expect to need to tune your distance and age group values in your profile to start getting matches. Be patient and try not to get too invested into expecting success quickly.

I was lucky a I am in a city of 23 million people and my foreigner status makes me desirable so I got hits quickly, but if you live out in the sticks then your potential dating pool will be way smaller and hence you will need to widen the range and lower your expectations as the odds are against you to a degree.

So you are browsing through one profile after the next, swiping right it they seem interesting, live close by, are attractive to you etc - or swiping left if they have a red flag (eg a smoker) or are unappealing in the looks department. This will add your profile to the que of "likes" for the people you swipe right on for the premium users and if they swipe right on your profile then you make a "match" and this will pop up in the relevant section of the app. Likewise when people swipe right on you but you haven't seen their profile yet then they will appear in your "likes" section if you paid for the premium version of the app.

When you have a match I believe the protocol is that the man makes the first move - at least here. You can send an inital message to them to try to get a converation going if you like or wait for them to message you (a rarity in my experience as a man).

Now I have a problem - what the heck do I say to them. My social anxiety was kicking in here so I ended up searching for suggestions for initial conversations and the general things I found which got responses were:

1 - compliment the person. Say they have a beautiful smile, eyes, they give off an amazing energy or something like that. If it is true then I seen no issue in using the physical attibutes as an opening gambit. I do advise to keep away from commenting about their bodies or anything sexual as that is socially unacceptable.

2 - keep it light. something like "I just wanted to say hello - I saw your pictures and was amazed how bright your eyes are - they sparkle! I see we match on (add criteria here) and I hoped you would want to chat."

3 - be patient. Don't send follow up messages unless you get a response as this can seem a bit stalkerish.

4 - don't spend too much time planning the rest of the conversations - I sometimes do this and it rarely works in the way you expect so fire that shot and step back and go back to the search.