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No enjoyment from socialising

whomper

I was wondering how other people felt about socialising.

It took me a long time to accept that I get absolutely no enjoyment from socialising. When I was younger, and desperately trying to fit in, I did it much more. My means of being able to engage with other people was to drink - I'm a Gen Xer, and we drank quite heavily, so no one really noticed. Luckily, I never got addicted, and when I began drinking less I found it near impossible to socialise. Not because I'm completely incapable of talking to other people (although it can be very tiring), but just because at best it's just a bit of a distraction and I'd rather be elsewhere.

It's probably the reason why I don't have any friends other than my wife, but really value the passing conversations with other people in my village when out walking the dog. 

During my autism assessment I mentioned that I get no pleasure from socialising, and I was told that it's something they hear quite often. I can turn up out of duty for family events and things when required, but otherwise, I'm very content with my books, music, podcasts, and walks with my wife. Compulsory events are very draining and throw me out of kilter for weeks before and for a few days after.

How do other people feel about socialising?

Parents

  • What you have written sounds like a description of me, only I live in a suburb of a very big city.

    I get no pleasure from socialising at all really other than very close friends and family, I can make acquaintances and short friendly conversations over coffee (my eyes will tell you when i've had enough). But there's this thing - that I really don't want to make too many friends in case I meet them again on the street one day at an awkward time or too often. It would be doing a disservice to that person to pretend (using forced or stereotyped behaviours) and I don't feel taking active steps to prevent this is in any way selfish. Mostly because socialising is so draining. 

    I have been called socially inept by one parent as a teenager with the other near forcing me to go out and socialise (which caused me enourmous distress and had the opposite effect). 

    That said my first feeling after diagnosis was that wanted to meet as many asd people my age as I could to understand how we were different or similar in our experiences. I could definately give a lot more time to nd people now, knowing what we have suffered and lived through at the hands of our oppressors.

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  • What you have written sounds like a description of me, only I live in a suburb of a very big city.

    I get no pleasure from socialising at all really other than very close friends and family, I can make acquaintances and short friendly conversations over coffee (my eyes will tell you when i've had enough). But there's this thing - that I really don't want to make too many friends in case I meet them again on the street one day at an awkward time or too often. It would be doing a disservice to that person to pretend (using forced or stereotyped behaviours) and I don't feel taking active steps to prevent this is in any way selfish. Mostly because socialising is so draining. 

    I have been called socially inept by one parent as a teenager with the other near forcing me to go out and socialise (which caused me enourmous distress and had the opposite effect). 

    That said my first feeling after diagnosis was that wanted to meet as many asd people my age as I could to understand how we were different or similar in our experiences. I could definately give a lot more time to nd people now, knowing what we have suffered and lived through at the hands of our oppressors.

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