Love on the Spectrum

Good in that it shows to a general audience that autistic people are human beings, not automata, and that very many desire to have romantic and sexual relationships.

Bad in that it seems rather exploitative of the autistic people involved. They are presented in a way that highlights their problems, rather than their humanity and seems, at times, to verge on being a freak show.

I know the challenges of raising a family and having autism. I know how overwhelming dealing with day to day anxieties can be. I know how hard it is to get a job (and keep it) so I could support a family. I know what communication challenges do to relationships and employment. I never saw any of the show’s counselors sit down and say ‘Do you think you can support a family? How are you going to be a mom when you still play with baby dolls? Inconvenient but hard truths were swept under the rug.

Jennifer Cook was a regular adviser on the show… but you never see her try and prepare the autistic men and women on the show for what reality lies ahead. Now she’s  the new Chair of the Autism Society’s Council of Autistic Advisors.

https://autismsociety.org/jennifer-cook-expert-on-netflixs-love-on-the-spectrum-us-succeeds-carly-ott-in-chair-position/

Even without autism, adulting is hard. The old adage ‘prior proper preparation prevents pitiful performance’ is real. And preparing for a family on the spectrum is orders of magnitude harder. The entire NT planet works against you. Your brain works against you. Your emotions work against you. Your energy levels work against you. Your stress levels work against you.

Now lets bring in what growing up autistic and being picked on and bullied your whole life does to your self respect and self worth. 

Here’s an excert from ‘The Partners Guide to Aspergers Syndrome’

In order to achieve a successful relationship, a person also needs to understand and respect themselves (Lawson 2005). Self-understanding and self-reflection can be particularly difficult for people with AS (Frith and Happé 1999). Self-respect often is adversely affected by being rejected, ridiculed and tormented, or otherwise bullied, by peers (Attwood 2006). Adolescents with AS can be gullible and vulnerable to being given misinformation on relationships by fellow teenagers. This can include instances of being deceived and “set up” that could lead the person with AS to be accused of inappropriate social or sexual behavior. Clinicians recognize that people with AS have difficulty understanding and expressing emotions, are prone to develop an anxiety disorder or depression and have difficulty managing anger (Attwood 2003a). These characteristics can have a detrimental effect on the ability to develop friendships throughout childhood and relationships as an adult.

Did you see any of those issues mentioned or addressed in the TV series? No.

They focused on… lets teach first date social etiquette. Cringe!!!

And then the episodes themselves… Lets focus on which baby dolls to bring. Cringe!!! Lets talk about favorite swords. Cringe!!! Lets practice how to order a meal in public. Cringe!!! Lets focus on how many anti-NT-social behaviors we can fit in an episode and then cheer and clap for them.

IMHO Jennifer Cook did more harm in portraying autistics as misfits and freaks than Hans Asperger ever did.

I know the challenges of raising a family and having autism. I know how overwhelming dealing with day to day anxieties can be. I know how hard it is to get a job (and keep it) so I could support a family. I know what communication challenges do to relationships and employment. I never saw any of the show’s counselors sit down and say ‘Do you think you can support a family? How are you going to be a mom when you still play with baby dolls? Inconvenient but hard truths were swept under the rug.

Jennifer Cook was a regular adviser on the show… but you never see her try and prepare the autistic men and women on the show for what reality lies ahead. Now she’s  the new Chair of the Autism Society’s Council of Autistic Advisors.

https://autismsociety.org/jennifer-cook-expert-on-netflixs-love-on-the-spectrum-us-succeeds-carly-ott-in-chair-position/

Even without autism, adulting is hard. The old adage ‘prior proper preparation prevents pitiful performance’ is real. And preparing for a family on the spectrum is orders of magnitude harder. The entire NT planet works against you. Your brain works against you. Your emotions work against you. Your energy levels work against you. Your stress levels work against you.

Now lets bring in what growing up autistic and being picked on and bullied your whole life does to your self respect and self worth. 

Here’s an excert from ‘The Partners Guide to Aspergers Syndrome’

In order to achieve a successful relationship, a person also needs to understand and respect themselves (Lawson 2005). Self-understanding and self-reflection can be particularly difficult for people with AS (Frith and Happé 1999). Self-respect often is adversely affected by being rejected, ridiculed and tormented, or otherwise bullied, by peers (Attwood 2006). Adolescents with AS can be gullible and vulnerable to being given misinformation on relationships by fellow teenagers. This can include instances of being deceived and “set up” that could lead the person with AS to be accused of inappropriate social or sexual behavior. Clinicians recognize that people with AS have difficulty understanding and expressing emotions, are prone to develop an anxiety disorder or depression and have difficulty managing anger (Attwood 2003a). These characteristics can have a detrimental effect on the ability to develop friendships throughout childhood and relationships as an adult.

Did you see any of those issues mentioned or addressed in the TV series? No.

They focused on… lets teach first date social etiquette. Cringe!!!

And then the episodes themselves… Lets focus on which baby dolls to bring. Cringe!!! Lets talk about favorite swords. Cringe!!! Lets practice how to order a meal in public. Cringe!!! Lets focus on how many anti-NT-social behaviors we can fit in an episode and then cheer and clap for them.

IMHO Jennifer Cook did more harm in portraying autistics as misfits and freaks than Hans Asperger ever did.