Love on the Spectrum

Oh thanks for the extra information about the show. I think I may be a bit more relaxed when I'm watching it knowing that actors are used in some of the scenes.

I may be able to come out from behind the cushion.

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I can hope that she has more substantial coaching for the participants than what appears on the show.

I did ask around some of my friends in the industry, and none could say what the arrangements were with the participants.

To be fair, they said the show is authentic… some things are staged… like the restaurant scenes only have other actors in them… and that probably is for the best anyway. A lot of things we see are ‘re-takes’, but attempt to capture the original sentiment. And some things are presented out of order from the way they actually occurred (also very common for ‘reality’ shows here in the US). So I can’t say they’re being taken advantage of any more than they’ve agreed to in their contract (and we hope and pray they contract was fully explained at their level of comprehension)

I really hope they find the companionship they’re looking for. And I hope they get the patient and understanding coaching needed to help them continue to be their authentic selves as a successful couple. IMHO that would make a good show (come on Hallmark… need a good teary-eyed feel-good story… that would be it! )

I have only just started watching this since reading your post.

Parts of it make me really happy because some of the people do find long term relationships.

I must admit that I do have to hide behind a cushion at certain points though.

I feel like Jennifer Cook has probably spent lots of time behind the scenes with the people, supporting them.

For me she spoke in a language that was easy to understand.

I attend an autistic group with all sorts of different levels of autistic individuals some have more challenges than others.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I would put myself at this level in some ways and I feel like it's good for people to know how challenging things can be for me.

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The first season I watched of it I did really enjoy it and I liked seeing them being given support to negotiate the dating world. However, the second season I really did a u turn in the way I saw it. Autistic people absolutely deserve to be able to find love but I didn't feel they were necessarily matching people to achieve this but more to ensure it would be entertaining. I don't think what is a really "normal" aspect of most people's lives should be entertaining because the people taking part are autistic. I also doubted the understanding needed to give full consent from some of the individuals taking part. They so wanted to be able to have a partner but I just wasn't convinced that all of them would understand the consequences involved with going on a well known TV show to date and they may not be able to deal with being recognised etc after the show had aired. I also think it may make some of the individuals vulnerable with people knowing they really wanted love. People may take advantage and take them on a date just for their own entertainment. Maybe I'm just a massive cynic but I agree I had definite alarm bells and didn't continue watching it.

I know the challenges of raising a family and having autism. I know how overwhelming dealing with day to day anxieties can be. I know how hard it is to get a job (and keep it) so I could support a family. I know what communication challenges do to relationships and employment. I never saw any of the show’s counselors sit down and say ‘Do you think you can support a family? How are you going to be a mom when you still play with baby dolls? Inconvenient but hard truths were swept under the rug.

Jennifer Cook was a regular adviser on the show… but you never see her try and prepare the autistic men and women on the show for what reality lies ahead. Now she’s  the new Chair of the Autism Society’s Council of Autistic Advisors.

https://autismsociety.org/jennifer-cook-expert-on-netflixs-love-on-the-spectrum-us-succeeds-carly-ott-in-chair-position/

Even without autism, adulting is hard. The old adage ‘prior proper preparation prevents pitiful performance’ is real. And preparing for a family on the spectrum is orders of magnitude harder. The entire NT planet works against you. Your brain works against you. Your emotions work against you. Your energy levels work against you. Your stress levels work against you.

Now lets bring in what growing up autistic and being picked on and bullied your whole life does to your self respect and self worth. 

Here’s an excert from ‘The Partners Guide to Aspergers Syndrome’

In order to achieve a successful relationship, a person also needs to understand and respect themselves (Lawson 2005). Self-understanding and self-reflection can be particularly difficult for people with AS (Frith and Happé 1999). Self-respect often is adversely affected by being rejected, ridiculed and tormented, or otherwise bullied, by peers (Attwood 2006). Adolescents with AS can be gullible and vulnerable to being given misinformation on relationships by fellow teenagers. This can include instances of being deceived and “set up” that could lead the person with AS to be accused of inappropriate social or sexual behavior. Clinicians recognize that people with AS have difficulty understanding and expressing emotions, are prone to develop an anxiety disorder or depression and have difficulty managing anger (Attwood 2003a). These characteristics can have a detrimental effect on the ability to develop friendships throughout childhood and relationships as an adult.

Did you see any of those issues mentioned or addressed in the TV series? No.

They focused on… lets teach first date social etiquette. Cringe!!!

And then the episodes themselves… Lets focus on which baby dolls to bring. Cringe!!! Lets talk about favorite swords. Cringe!!! Lets practice how to order a meal in public. Cringe!!! Lets focus on how many anti-NT-social behaviors we can fit in an episode and then cheer and clap for them.

IMHO Jennifer Cook did more harm in portraying autistics as misfits and freaks than Hans Asperger ever did.

Yeh it's a good show. Autistic people would make good partners they have lots of potential. We have lots of potential is even better said.

Good in that it shows to a general audience that autistic people are human beings, not automata, and that very many desire to have romantic and sexual relationships.

Bad in that it seems rather exploitative of the autistic people involved. They are presented in a way that highlights their problems, rather than their humanity and seems, at times, to verge on being a freak show.

I have mixed feelings. Yeah I cringe about it, but at the same time it is a first step for a lot of people seeing the different ways Autistic people live and interact with people. I think it does more good than harm, but yeah, it’s a little hard to watch sometimes.

It doesn’t sit right with me that this is entertainment. It’s a modern take on those circuses where all the ‘normal’ people paid to watch the very tall, very small or very hairy people. We should know better in modern society. That’s just my take though, and I don’t really like reality tv. 

Which channel is it on?