Thoughts on this good people? :-)
Thoughts on this good people? :-)
Yes, I hear, that im argumentative when I'm not, angry, or sad when I'm fine, or even that I take drugs, or look high- I don't. Verbal and nonverbal misunderstandings are stressful. Whenever someone pulls their eyebrows together I think, that they are angry. It turns out its nit that easy, there are nuances that I don't catch. So I often ask the stupid question "are you angry?" Or I hear from others if I'm afraid of them. No, I'm not.
This is a not so great side of autism and it’s a truly heavy point.
Misunderstandings have been a major source of distress, conflict, relationship issues, disappointments, financial penalty, abuse, ridicule, false accusations, name calling …
All the above things were compounded into my brain and resulted in poor mental health. Misunderstanding of autism meant I was treated with a major tranquilliser by a Psychiatrist who said “this will change your thinking” because he thought it was odd that I didn’t want to be near an abusive person and he didn’t recognise that I was autistic.
Can you clarify what you mean by misunderstandings? Do you mean the autistic person not understanding or the neurotypicals not understanding.
Oh the irony of this reply. Heh.
I think for child me? Absolutely.
I can vividly remember being very young and getting on a bus. It was a deisel, very loud engine, very smelly, very busy.
I had...a meltdown. It was a lot. My mum? (It was the 70s try not to judge lol) lost her cool. Children should be seen and not heard and here she had screaming taz pinned down across her knee. She did the thing that parents did back then. Smacked my backside to make me behave. Yowch. Screamed louder. She didnt understand I was different. I was naughty and difficult and needed discipline right?
That bus journey was horrific. The old ladies were all commenting what they would do if I was theirs. I still remember the judgement....and I still remember ZERO understanding or empathy or support for effectively a toddler that was overwhelmed and terrified with a stinging butt. My mum was mortified. I brought her shame. I think this kind of thing was a regular occurence that actually resulted in a mother/daughter bond not existing. My elder sister was not such hard work.
Kids learn quick and my life and relationships to people were shaped by incidences such as this. I always feel judged and always not enough. Core beliefs are difficult to shift.
Consequently I try never to judge other parents in this position. Its not helpful. To the parent but especially to the child who is a little sponge.
I dont know how a child who had understanding and love and support despite their differences, deals with life as an adult? Do they find reactions/disapproval from others less...hurtful? Maybe because on some level they feel safer inside to start with?
But then perhaps the same could be true for neurotypicals who didnt have well adjusted parents vs those who did?
Maybe its a self esteem thing rather than an autistic thing?
I have heard about people being able to switch off embarrassment.
I suspect this is just a high powered form of masking although I have learned to be able to do this by switching off the "do I really give a cluck?" element of the interaction.
When you can stop worring about what they think about you because you don't care about it then you can achieve a lot. I've had to use this when disciplining my team (who were taking the mickey out of a customer), when having to give a presentation to several hundred staff or when trying to cheer up a small child with silly antics in front of a woman I was trying to chat up.
I learned this partly through management training but also with role play with my therapist.
I agree Loz, although I'm not sure miscommunication is a cause as much as just not being listened too, obviously we need to be able to communicate our needs or have someone do it for us, if we're very young or lacking in confidence or are non verbal, but listening a two way process, one needs to speak and the other needs to listen properly.
Reading people's experiences on here I think, the services we need or want just aren't there, probably because ND people aren't the ones makng the desicions about what services ND people need.
Although in everyday life I think poor comunication is responsible for a lot of trauma's and many "micro" trauma's that add into into a big problem
The hypersensitivity part is definatey a feature of my autism. I have heard about people being able to switch off embarrassment. I'm not sure if I can switch off pain, or every time, also as when things/feelings happen it's usually quite tempremental so the science is yet to be proven.
I have discovered this thing where I can just switch off discomfort, but I have to consciously register this as 'the water is hot but i have done this before
Funnily enough I was practicing somethine very similar this week as I had several dentist visits including root canal and a crown (plus cleaning and some filling replacements) and I'm not exactly a fan of the dentist.
I find when I am going to be in the chair for a lengthy time and it is going to be quite unpleasant with your head tilted right back, mouth wide open and various bits jammed in your gob while they work - then it helps to be able to dissociate with the sensations coming from your mouth.
It is especially relevant when they are doing the canalis in the top row of teeth as the files they use feel like they are going up into your brain. I guess it is not far off.
I learned this back when I learned meditation that you can compartmentalise pain / discomfort and swith off its ability to hurt you. In essence it becomes just an informational input and you can stop your knee jerk reaction to pain.
It only works for me in shortish bursts - maybe 20 mins of so max. For longer procedures like a root canal session then I need a break in the middle to catch my breath so to speak then can do it again for another 10 mins.
It has helped me a lot in the past with a few workplace accidents where I could clean out a wound on my own for example.
It does show that the mind has more control over our senses than we may realise.
Yes, mostly and no. We learn as we live, so its impossible to look back in hindsight and say things would be otherwise now. But things I can find difficult now wouldn't have been when I was younger, I felt as if those things didn't affect me as much.
I was thinking about it like this yesterday, you can have a hot bath. Some days you are more sensitive to getting into the hot water but the tempreture can be the same. Really it is variation to approaching a situation.I have discovered this thing where I can just switch off discomfort, but I have to consciously register this as 'the water is hot but i have done this before' I think what happens when I experience this is that those rational boundaries break down and any sensitivity is less exaggerated.
Trauma I tend to lump with mistreatment in various contexts, not of my own making (as often). The benefit of this is that I have seen many facets for people.
We live in a time when having a diagnosis might appear a trend or advantageous. To know who you are, don't you already to some extent, its just that the diagnosis is affirmation. I think that may be very differnt how people accept that from a young or later age. Perhaps having an early diaognosis releases one from much of trauma?
I also have I dentified this side issue that not everyone wants, is happy with or chooses their diognsis. How well diaognosis is accepted can also itself be a point of trauma.
That is a heavy point! I agree with this statement. Misunderstandings really can be a major source of trauma in autism and neurotypical but it is likely amplified for ND. So much of our wellbeing depends on communication - it’s basically the foundation of getting our needs recognised and met from a young age. When your communication is misunderstood, dismissed, or judged, those needs go unmet. And when that happens over and over again, especially from childhood, it can easily build into experiences that feel traumatic. It’s not the autism that’s traumatic — it’s the constant misinterpretation.
Misunderstandings are a big source of stress for me
I struggle to understand what my colleagues really mean, but I’m scared to ask them to explain. If I do ask it just puts me under more pressure to understand.
And when I try to explain myself, I feel like I do a very poor job of it. That blank look that people give me afterwards fills me with dread.
It all just becomes exhausting.
