Hello, i wanted to write something to helpme try and conect with my emotions. I have difficulty knowing what they are at most times but these last few weeks have been so difficult for me to deal with and I don't understand my own emotions. I was in arelationship for 14 years and have had some problems caused by my aspergers but seemed to get through OK. my partner encouraged me to get tested for aspergers last year and it was discovered that I did have it. The diagnosis answered a lot of questions for us, one of which was the problems I was havingwith my sexual behaiour. My partner kept telling me that I seemed cold and uncaring during sex and that it was all very Spok like. Logical and planned. I also am very jumpy if anyone touches me when I'm not expecting it which put her off being spontanious towards me. she also said that there was no spark between us and when I approached her to cuddle it was because I wanted to make love and not just for thae sake of cuddling. She couldn't respond to this as there had been no lead up to it. For about 4 years we had no sexual relationship at all and then other difficulties began when she became a musician and needed to spend hours in her studio making music. I am an artist but have not been able to work for a long time because of lack of money for materials, lack of space to work etc. We had to move into a council flat which is in the middle of nowhere and has no shops, liberaries, galleries etc, so I had nothing to do and nowhere to go during the day. The area is one of the most beautiful places in Cornwall on the roseland peninsula but there is nothing but water and boats and scenery. Just 2 weeks ago my partner made the descision that we should split up so that I could move to st Ives where I have family and friends involved in art. St Ives is a cornish town dedicated to modern art and has a huge art community. It sounds very positive but I have become very sad and hurt that we are splitting up. I have done nothing but cry for the last 2 weeks and on a few occasions become hysterical with grief. I feel so alone and abandened especially when my partner talks about her new male friend who she has recently met online. He is younger than me, good looking, long black hair and is extremely intelligent. I feel like a nuiscence and a wast of space, and that they must want me out of the flat as soon as possible so they can get on with their own lives.I've become depressed now and have slowed down and become confused. I feel like there are too mmany thoughts going through my head and I can't controll them. I am already on high dose meds for depression and anxiety state but now I'm worse. I don't know what to do. All I want is someone to love me and accept me as I am. I am a very loyal person and have never hurt anyone in my life. I can't understand why people do . well sorry but i'm very tired now after taking strong sedatives so i'll have to leave this Thaks for listening. Much love.
