Humour and Interpretation

It was very thoughtful and kind of you to mention that app. I don't use apps as I don't own a smartphone. However, I know plenty of other people do use smartphones, who may not be aware of that app.

TheCatWoman said:

you  want to laugh with someone, not at them

Thank you! That is what I had been trying to convey in my original post, but had been unable to articulate at the time.

On the topic of emojis, I don't dislike them, but I find that they too can sometimes be open to misinterpretation. As for the SMS mobile phone text abbreviations (i.e. Lol) that now seem to get used everywhere, I sometimes have to search online to understand what the newer ones mean. When text messaging became a thing, I remember an aunt of mine thought "Lol" meant "Lots of Love".

I am inclined to think it may be a generation thing, but if there's a whole row of emojis and not much in the way in the way of a written/typed response, I too tend to consider it lazy.

I have a very dark sense of humor, I like dark comedy. You might have seen those AI Stephen Hawking videos doing the rounds where he’s getting beaten up in a boxing ring or being power slammed by a wrestler, I was crying with laughter cause it was so funny…but I get not everybody likes my sense of humor so I won’t put it on people unless I know that’s what they like. Luckily my close friends do enjoy it, so that’s where my humor pretty much stays. 

I dont like thumbs up icon although I use as a quick response. It complicates things emoticons for me depending on my mood. (Over thinking with Autism ADHD)

Ive had a quick scan read and wanted to mention an App called GOBLIN TOOLS which helps me judge the tone of emails and texts. I think it was £2 as a one of purchase to download it. It has quite a few features. I found THE JUDGE feature helped me from misreading the tone of the message. Hope my inputs helpful.

It's difficult, you  want to laugh with someone, not at them and some people don't have much of a sense of humour at the best of times.

Not being face to face can make it harder, but then many of us have problems reading body language and tones of voice.

I don't do emojis, I dislike them, I can't really see them and don't understand the meanings of many, it took me ages to be comfortable with using things like, lol in texts. If I posted something and were met with a row of emoji's as a reply, I would feel dismissed, that I wan't be taken seriously and that the person replyiing was making a lazy reply because they couldn't be bothered to write anything properly and wanted the attention of being seen to reply without the risk of disagreement or misunderstanding.

Sporadic Sparkly said:

sometimes because I think life's too short and it's just not worth it

This is an important part of dealing with life; knowing when to let go. You can be right but you don't always have to prove it. Other people may come round to your view if you just give them time.

Keeping things in perspective can be hard, especially if you are on here (or elsewhere) because you are struggling. I am not immune.

But some words of the internet are just ...  words on the internet. It is best to think that that most people mean well, even if it may not seem it, some are just thoughtless, few are malicious. What seems super important rapidly fades.

Rumination doesn't really help, even though it is hard to avoid.

Even with the use of emojis, written communication can sometimes be open to misinterpretation. In the past, I have posted about situations I have found myself in, have included emojis, and done my best to articulate in a way that will hopefully make it obvious to anybody reading that I am not in a state of distress, and that I don't require advice. Admittedly, it's not happened often, but there have been occasions when I've received responses from members expressing sympathy and concern for me. This then causes me to feel bad, especially when I can see that the person has put a lot of time and effort into their response.

Aside from being busy, one of the reasons why I'd been inactive here for much of this years is because I had reached the stage where I felt I was having to self-censor to an extent that wasn't healthy for me. Maybe I had become hyper-sensitive to events that had been kicking off here, or maybe my feeling of needing to self-censor to the point of saying nothing at all was a reflection and reaction to how a lot of people are feeling in general.

Not everyone has the courage to speak up if they feel upset and/or offended. There have been occasions when I have taken offence at responses I've received here in the online community, but I've opted not to say anything. Sometimes out of fear that it could result in an unpleasant situation that nobody wants, and sometimes because I think life's too short and it's just not worth it.

Relating on all fronts!!

I love Tim Vine. (⁠•⁠‿⁠•⁠)

I think as long as you've stated you're joking and the humour isn't about the individual or about a serious topic that could be upsetting then you have covered yourself. I think there's a risk people could take offense to anything. People have got to take some responsibility in understanding that their own autism may have stopped them understanding the joke. I tend to just ask when I don't understand a comment. 

If it really worries you that someone will take offense then perhaps avoid using humour but as you said in your original post I don't think you should be stopped from being you. 

Lonehare12 said:

I have to read the post and re-read it then read some of the responses to get an idea of the general tone.

I can relate to this because it's something I do myself. However, it can be even more difficult to gauge the tone when there are no other responses because yours is the first one. 

Your joke makes me think of Tim Vine's brand of humour. I know there's a name for that particular genre, but for the life of me I can't remember what it is. I'm blaming it on menopausal brain fog. 

Written communication, without emojis, is quite open to misinterpretation. There are none of the other cues you get with verbal communication, tone, intonation, facial expression, body language, etc. There are often implicit assumptions which are not obvious, which make it easy to get the wrong end of the stick.

Due to awkwardly misreading things on forums 20 years ago I learnt to just give straight answers. Humour always carries risk. Dry humour is more ambiguous.

However, thoughtful straight answers can still go wrong if you've missed the point. I don't see a way around that.

The best way, I believe, is for people to say what they think respectfully, but for people to also be brave enough to come back if it's a problem. Otherwise people self-censor so much nobody says anything. Reaction should be based on intent.

Hi Sporadic Sparkly 

I definitely struggle in this area, online especially. I have to read the post and re-read it then read some of the responses to get an idea of the general tone.

Face to face seems easier, although sometimes people laugh at what I say and I don't know why. Most of the jokes people tell me go way over my head unless they are simple. Sometimes I find myself laughing at something no-one else finds funny.

I agree humour is an essential part of our human experience.

I have put my foot in it so many times throughout my life which has helped me have quite a laid back view when it comes to difference's in humour as long as there is no malice in it.

This joke came to mind. Sorry, I know it's rubbish, but I just had to.(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

Person A: No offence
Person B: That’s fine, I wouldn’t take offence… I’d take a gate instead!

My dad had a dry sense of humour, which was often accompanied with a completely deadpan facial expression. The only thing that gave the game away was that there would be a slight twinkle in his eyes. I think  growing up being accustomed to his dry sense of humour possibly made it easier for me to recognise and understand dry humour when it's used offline.

Online, it can be a completely different ball game, unless one has established a rapport with a person and knows if they share a similar sense of humour. If the person doesn't understand humour at all, then even if one uses emojis and/or states that one is joking, there is still a possibility that they make take offence.

There are members who may not understand what's so funny, but they accept other people do and don't take offence. It's the ones who do take offence that I worry about. It's not something I have experienced (yet), but it is something I have witnessed here in the past.

I often find my humour is misinterpreted. In real life I don't change my tone of voice much I don't think and so sometimes people don't realise I'm joking. I also misjudge it sometimes and it doesn't come out the way it sounded in my head which can cause people to take it the wrong way. Ironically I also really struggle when other people use dead pan humour and don't give clues like tone of voice. You'd think I'd be able to pick up on my own humour style but no.

I think online it can be even harder. There are no clues unless you use emojis or state that it is a joke.

Pairing together the issue of literal thinking and online communication I think you're right to apply caution when using humour here. However, you absolutely should be able to be yourself on here. So I'd say use your humour (as long as it isn't anything too out there that could actually be offensive) just make sure others know you're joking. Either use an emoji or state that it's a joke. Just makes it more inclusive for everyone I think.