I used to practice my expressions in front of a mirror and I tried to copy my female peers, especially someone who I got closer to, I never fully managed to be like them. I used to say, that I have no personality and I'm less attractive and inferior to others. I also used to say, that I have depression since birth and as a teen I suffered do much from my environment because of being different, I also cried often and told myself, that I've got this life as a punishment for sins from my previous life. Now I don't think this way, but its heartbreaking, when I look back into my lost youth. im still not diagnosed, but the better knowledge about autism helps and im surprised how much the criteria describe my struggles, it gives me a possibility of me not being a loser, but autistic or other neurodivergent instead. I filled various tests and they give some insight. Looks like the diagnosis to a child helps them get help in education and development, but to an adult its more like validation of the traumatic experience from childhood and youth. Now we have much more advanced knowledge in medicine and Access to information. 30-40 years ago if you didn't bang your head off of a wall, you were normal or just a quirky person or loner etc. This is also a reason, why we didn't know, that we are neurodivergent. It's relatively new.
I used to practice my expressions in front of a mirror and I tried to copy my female peers, especially someone who I got closer to, I never fully managed to be like them. I used to say, that I have no personality and I'm less attractive and inferior to others. I also used to say, that I have depression since birth and as a teen I suffered do much from my environment because of being different, I also cried often and told myself, that I've got this life as a punishment for sins from my previous life. Now I don't think this way, but its heartbreaking, when I look back into my lost youth. im still not diagnosed, but the better knowledge about autism helps and im surprised how much the criteria describe my struggles, it gives me a possibility of me not being a loser, but autistic or other neurodivergent instead. I filled various tests and they give some insight. Looks like the diagnosis to a child helps them get help in education and development, but to an adult its more like validation of the traumatic experience from childhood and youth. Now we have much more advanced knowledge in medicine and Access to information. 30-40 years ago if you didn't bang your head off of a wall, you were normal or just a quirky person or loner etc. This is also a reason, why we didn't know, that we are neurodivergent. It's relatively new.
