I just went to a SEN review meeting today at my sons College, to glowing reports of his progress and efforts to 'Fit In.' An eagerly assemble video was put forward as evidence.
As I sat, I watched and witnessed a confident teenager address a class full of new intake SEN pupils, articulately and with apparent ease. Demonstrative with hands and clear in speach. To look at this child you'd never guess he had ASD and all at the meeting agreed it's the best presented 'new intake' session they'd ever had.
In speaking about the experience and the preparation that led up to his presentation it was clear he found the whole experience extremely challenging. The migraines prior, the worry about his word finding difficulties, the fear that he might misread a slide infront of the whole class (He has Dyslexia also) The list went on.
When asked by his SEN representative how he found it, he said very clearly, "Absolutely awful!" and proceeded to explain how he moved his hands around to disguise a fearful and fairly major tremor he'd developed prior and asked questions of others in order to divert the pressure away from himself, to name but a few.
As a parent, I was torn in two. He performed brilliantly. So brilliantly in fact that he convinced those in the class that he didn't have any difficulties himself and did this sort of thing all the time. Yet I have to question, Is making him appear 'normal' and as though he 'Fits In', what's really best for him?
It's clear he's developed some excellent acting skills. (He nearly had me fooled.) The mask was almost perfect, the tools he used were cunning and truely well thought out, but at what cost to his health?
The last academic year for him has been very challenging. He's had transition and academia to manage and with it a growing severity of migraines in their frequency and intensity. Is the pressure to 'Fit In' and appear 'normal' the starw to break the donkeys back?
I'm deeply proud of my sons achievments. From School refuser to comparative academic success, but where do we draw the line and at what cost does that come? When does it become OK to compromise our health so we can appear to 'Fit In'?
The holidays are almost apon us and he has long summer in which to recharge, but also with it is the looming pressure from College that he might want to entertain University. He's already said no to them, but it's like he's not been heard.
Perhaps we should all be re-evaluating the costs and considering options that mean he doesn't have to perform to an audience begging to witness social nomality, in exchange for a life free from stress related illness and mental angst......
I guess, recognizing ones own limits and the management of stress & social pressures is someting that comes with time, but an experience we can all learn from. 
