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Group meeting

Hergé

I've been feeling particularly isolated of late as my son has been away at university. I visited my GPs social prescriber person and they recommended this group which meets once a month near my home town.

I found out that this group is primarily for ADHD people but all ND people are welcome.

It was a little overwhelming, it seemed everyone was just talking over one and and that there was very little if any structure, so it wasn't really my thing.. 

Anyway, the point of this post is that there was someone else there who had been sent by the same GPs, she was a young lady in her mid teens who was clearly not enjoying the environment.

I was chatting to her about general stuff and I asked her what her hobbies were. At this point she just lit up and started to show me her art that she had in these little sketch books, she is amazingly talented. It was wonderful to see, she almost transformed before me. 

Does anyone else have a "special interest"? I don't, I just outgrew my dinosaur obsession many years ago.

Parents

  • Yes, I can relate. I went along to an ADHD 'meet up' (as per the website) group a couple of months ago. I knew it would be hard, if not excruciating, but I had a doodle pad with me and, after familiarising myself with the furnishings, proceeded to doodle, which actually initiated conversation. Curious onlooker: "Do you like to draw?" Me: thinking: 'no, I just can't stand not doing something when I'm 'supposed' to somehow just socialise' - saying: "yeah, kind of". So that small act of personalised initiation then enables me to just turn the tables - "do you like to draw?" - which can either further the 'conversation' or terminate it in its infancy. I think I managed a good few minutes of back and forth exchanges, armed with a drink and a pen/pad. I felt better for just being amongst other human beings, as always, but also for exchanging the usual pleasantries before the paranoia kicks in, I convince myself that I'm useless/despised (delete as appropriate) and vow never to try something like that ever again. Of course I will, as I persevere and vainly programme my positronic brain to file 'experiments in socialising' in the 'another time' folder. Compassion, as always, leaves me feeling some kind of purpose in it all. That the struggle is real, in each unique way, and that for a brief moment it is possible to pool that day to day struggle into one collective mass of the afflicted who can truly listen and think - yep, I do hear you, I get you and you're not alone.

  • in reply to mr.chip
    mr.chip said:
    I convince myself that I'm useless/despised (delete as appropriate) and vow never to try something like that ever again.

    How about taking a more analytical approach to it - look at what you achieved, how you applied the lessons of small talk and found success, how you made a connection for a brief time and all the other positives.

    This is part of the the process of finding your self worth and is a regular step in the building of self confidence.

    You now know roughly what to expect so brush up on your conversational skills and if you are up to it, go again. Sometimes just being a repeat visitor is enough to give a conversation starter, eg "I've seen you here before, how do you find it?".

    Good, open ended questions asking for an opinion and valuing the other persons views will make them feel good and should reflect back with luck.

    For your questions like "do you like to draw" think more of "what do you like to do?" - it lets the other person carry the conversation as far as they are willing and can give lots of hooks for more questions or discussion topics.

    Hopefully you won't get info dumped on - sometimes you need to hold up a hand and say "that is an aweful lot to take in - can we save some to talk about later" then talk about what they have said to mitigate the interruption.

    If they look mortified that you stopped them, just talk about the fact you do it too and you wanted to be polite and let them know they are info dumping as you experienced the same issue. Even if it is a bit of a lie it still makes them feel better and gives you more shared ground.

    Good to hear you made the efffort and cudos for doing so well at it.

Reply
  • in reply to mr.chip
    mr.chip said:
    I convince myself that I'm useless/despised (delete as appropriate) and vow never to try something like that ever again.

    How about taking a more analytical approach to it - look at what you achieved, how you applied the lessons of small talk and found success, how you made a connection for a brief time and all the other positives.

    This is part of the the process of finding your self worth and is a regular step in the building of self confidence.

    You now know roughly what to expect so brush up on your conversational skills and if you are up to it, go again. Sometimes just being a repeat visitor is enough to give a conversation starter, eg "I've seen you here before, how do you find it?".

    Good, open ended questions asking for an opinion and valuing the other persons views will make them feel good and should reflect back with luck.

    For your questions like "do you like to draw" think more of "what do you like to do?" - it lets the other person carry the conversation as far as they are willing and can give lots of hooks for more questions or discussion topics.

    Hopefully you won't get info dumped on - sometimes you need to hold up a hand and say "that is an aweful lot to take in - can we save some to talk about later" then talk about what they have said to mitigate the interruption.

    If they look mortified that you stopped them, just talk about the fact you do it too and you wanted to be polite and let them know they are info dumping as you experienced the same issue. Even if it is a bit of a lie it still makes them feel better and gives you more shared ground.

    Good to hear you made the efffort and cudos for doing so well at it.

Children