Group meeting

Thank you

Thank you 

mr.chip said:

I convince myself that I'm useless/despised (delete as appropriate) and vow never to try something like that ever again.

How about taking a more analytical approach to it - look at what you achieved, how you applied the lessons of small talk and found success, how you made a connection for a brief time and all the other positives.

This is part of the the process of finding your self worth and is a regular step in the building of self confidence.

You now know roughly what to expect so brush up on your conversational skills and if you are up to it, go again. Sometimes just being a repeat visitor is enough to give a conversation starter, eg "I've seen you here before, how do you find it?".

Good, open ended questions asking for an opinion and valuing the other persons views will make them feel good and should reflect back with luck.

For your questions like "do you like to draw" think more of "what do you like to do?" - it lets the other person carry the conversation as far as they are willing and can give lots of hooks for more questions or discussion topics.

Hopefully you won't get info dumped on - sometimes you need to hold up a hand and say "that is an aweful lot to take in - can we save some to talk about later" then talk about what they have said to mitigate the interruption.

If they look mortified that you stopped them, just talk about the fact you do it too and you wanted to be polite and let them know they are info dumping as you experienced the same issue. Even if it is a bit of a lie it still makes them feel better and gives you more shared ground.

Good to hear you made the efffort and cudos for doing so well at it.

Yes, I can relate. I went along to an ADHD 'meet up' (as per the website) group a couple of months ago. I knew it would be hard, if not excruciating, but I had a doodle pad with me and, after familiarising myself with the furnishings, proceeded to doodle, which actually initiated conversation. Curious onlooker: "Do you like to draw?" Me: thinking: 'no, I just can't stand not doing something when I'm 'supposed' to somehow just socialise' - saying: "yeah, kind of". So that small act of personalised initiation then enables me to just turn the tables - "do you like to draw?" - which can either further the 'conversation' or terminate it in its infancy. I think I managed a good few minutes of back and forth exchanges, armed with a drink and a pen/pad. I felt better for just being amongst other human beings, as always, but also for exchanging the usual pleasantries before the paranoia kicks in, I convince myself that I'm useless/despised (delete as appropriate) and vow never to try something like that ever again. Of course I will, as I persevere and vainly programme my positronic brain to file 'experiments in socialising' in the 'another time' folder. Compassion, as always, leaves me feeling some kind of purpose in it all. That the struggle is real, in each unique way, and that for a brief moment it is possible to pool that day to day struggle into one collective mass of the afflicted who can truly listen and think - yep, I do hear you, I get you and you're not alone.

Sorry to hear that the meeting didn't go as you'd hoped, though it sounds like it wasn't all for nothing. I've been looking into things like this but there doesn't seem to be anything in my area.
I've had a lot of special interests over the years, from dinosaurs and sharks, to football, to my current one which is model painting (mostly Warhammer models though I'm also starting to get into the books and lore now). Some have faded over time whilst others have stayed with me (like sharks). I like having something to focus on when I need to de-stress.

I was diagnosed with autism late last year at the tender age of 53, my assessment report suggested that I should also be assessed for ADHD, I got a text to say that appointment is in late September (I'm going through the right to choose).

Hopefully that will provide a few more answers.

I think I may have to find a different group, I've been going to Andys mans club which has been helpful in other ways, it's good to talk.

To quote Clive James, theres no begining to my talents.

It does sound overwhelming, well done for sticking it out and you've made a new friend.

I am a good cook, I'm good at inventing recipes and can sniff food and usually tell whats in it and have a crack at making it, just from what I can smell, providing I'm fairly familiar with the ingredients.

I tend to be either good at something or totally useless, like I can't carry a tune in a bucket.

The group sounds really overwhelming, but good for you trying it out and I bet the other young lady appreciated your interaction.

I don’t have any amazing talents but I do get engrossed and forget the time when I am researching subjects such as archaeology, particularly prehistoric and Iron Age material culture in the Levant. 

I suspect I have ADHD or AuDHD as some people like to call it. There was an excellent article in the last edition of the NAS magazine, and it could have been describing me. I have an NHS appointment coming up for assessment of my needs following my private autism diagnosis last year, and I have been told they may refer me on for an ADHD assessment. The waiting lists where I live are off the scale.  I have more of the attention deficit than the hyperactive part. 

People talking over each other sounds noisy and confusing. I'm sorry it wasn't what you were hoping for. I attended an autism group which had similar outcome for me. Though I'm glad you got on well talking to the girl about her art. Art is a special interest for me too!

Will you be going again? If you do I hope you enjoy it. Hopefully it will be better than the first one

I really don't know, it just seemed chaotic. They had a couple of guest speakers and they sometimes had difficulty getting through. I have enough trouble finding gaps in conversations to interject, I stayed to ask a question of one of the guest speakers and I just got drowned out by some others. 

The high point was my interaction with this young woman.

I may have to find somewhere else to try and broaden my social scene, which is challenging at best.

Hi, I’m sorry about your group experience. I have a special interest in tech mostly. I have built websites from scratch by following a course. Also done some computer programming (building applications in visual studio). 

I also have a deep interest in art and am working on anime at the moment. I bought some books to help me some time ago but I’m learning and feel like my art ability has grown over the years

A load of people talking over each other sounds a bit miserable, but I'm glad something good came of it in the end. Will you be going back?