Family struggles

This describes my situation as well. I feel fortunate as I have a partner too but I regret not having had a better relationship with my family.  I think my mum may have benefitted from an assessment but that wasn't an option at the time.  My family were also very religious and although I think religion is personal and may have its place, at the time it made the situation much harder. How much difference having a diagnosis as a child or adolescent would have made I don't know, perhaps it may have helped me understand why I was often scared and felt isolated. That I wasn't broken or crazy but I just processed things differently and maybe that was ok.

I think accepting yourself in your own skin, warts and all is important, not everyone understands that being different, being autistic is a struggle but those that do give you the opportunity to be yourself and you can relate to make it worth while. But for those that don't, sometimes I think its best just to let go.

I'm quite content in my little bubble. I'm not particularly interested in other peoples lives and that includes my direct family.

I wasn't assessed until last year but I've obviously always had a few "issues", one of which is my almost inability to connect with others.

If I have virtual daily contact with someone, it seems to stick, other than that I just drift away from them.

I don't see any of my remaining family. They never knew I was on the spectrum as I didn't discover that until I was in my fifties (I'm mid sixties now). But they always seemed to have a different idea about who I was / what I should be /how I should be, than what I knew was me. 

I'm very lucky to have a long term partner who's always accepted me as I am. I don't think that seeing family just because it's expected is a good thing, if it makes you uncomfortable. 

Some families are like that, I think big loving extended families are held up as both the norm and something to be aspired to, but whilst it might be great, theres another side to them too, monitoring to make sure nobody steps to far away from the expected and if one person does something they all have to do it. Petty jealousies, somebody in every generation inheriting a role whether they like it or not, the things you have to like and not like.

Do you understand them, do you want to? Have they always been like this, are the rest of the family close to each other and not to you?

My Dad came from a big family, yet I met few of my cousins or aunts and uncles, new ones were still popping out of the woodwork until a few years ago. My Mum was an only child until she was 14, I knew her brother, but none of her aunts, uncles and cousins, the exception being my nans aunt. I feels really weird when everyone else has neices and nephews, aunts and uncles who visit eachother, keep in touch send presents for xmas and birthdays. When I've encountered this in other peoples families I feel I stick out like a sore thumb, I don't know what to do or how to be. I used to really greive or not having a family like those who were big and close, then I started to realise the freedoms it gave me, of not being tied to expectations of what or who I could be and started to relish making myself up as I went along, its not easy though, as theres no real safety net, but it's good.