Teenager Son.... very challenging.. trying to work and general day to day stress!!

Rocking, tapping twiddling his hair are signs of anxiety. Can you get him to talk and say whats his anxieties are? Hormones will be playing a big part as well,body changes and people expectations of a teenager differ from primary age, mine is 14, moody and difficult to get to talk, but with persuasion he did say what his anxieties were about, his new time table, but talking to him and getting him to see each subject in game levels he has been able to be ok, schools here finish for summer on Thursday end of terms can be upsetting for him, but he gets even more moodier and aggressive, I just put computer bans on him, if he gets too obnoxious, then he lightens up.

 Thank you so much for your replies!!!!!!! I'm not alone!!!!  Such a relief in a funny kind of way.  Lots of really helpful suggestions too.  Have arranged a meeting at school based on the complex behaviours lady going in to see Fred on my request.  What she found was VERY interesting,  it would seem behaviours are filtering  through to school much more than I realised.  School told me he didn't need 1-1 so much anymore to get him more independent..... Except that he isn't focussing in lessons, says inappropriate things when put on the spot and doesn't understand what is being asked of him, rocks on his chair, taps his pen and hair twirls ..... I'm so glad she went in.

Want to know what things the school are going to put in place for September!

Always a battle to fight isn't there!

Anil A - Mod: what exactly could a behaviourial specialist do to help this child?

Is this child not simply displaying signs of distress? Shouldn't this be addressed first?

Hi Fergie,

 Firstly, let me say you are not alone. I have two boys on the spectrum and both present completely differently. One internalizes his anguish and makes himself ill, the other displays very challenging and sometimes agressive behaviour, complete with the colourful language. Sadly, the language issue has become so frequent now that he doesn't realize he's doing it. I find this deeply annoying.

I can certainly empathisize with the time frame. My son also amplified his behaviour in his teens. The senario of great grades at School and terrible behaviour at home is one I hear a lot and one that my own children experience. Schools often report no issues in class and yet it's the polar oposite at home. For my own children this has increased as they have moved up the academic ladder and the demands on them have increased. It appears to be a safety valve really, letting off steam from prolonged periods of having to conform, concentrate and learn. 

For my lad with the challenging behavior, this has only really had the volume turned down since he left education. It still presents, but just at a more managable level. When i say manageable, it's very much subjective really.

I'm no expert, but the drumming and rocking sounds like sensory overload to me. Does he have an MP3 or something similar. I know this sounds odd, but if he has some headphones and puts on some music or a science documentory that he can listen to to drown out his overload, this might help. Using noise to drown out other sensory sensitivities is not always the obvious choice for parents, but the Stimming issue is very common to those on the Spectrum. Do encourage him to use headphones though, or the whole family will be subjected to listening. Some adults and children keep the TV going or music playing at night also to drown out the silence otherwise they hear every creek and movement in the house. They use one noise to drown out their over senitivity to other sounds.

One of my lads also has an extremely acute sense of smell and taste. He could pick out his own School jumper amongst a whole pile, not by reading the label, but by picking each one up in turn and sniffing them. More alarmingly he could locate all his fellow students also. Much like above, can I suggest that you give him a sensory input to distract his behavior. You have to be quite careful in that if you don't give him the alternative after he's sniffed you. He may view this as a positive reinforcement and he may sniff you more in order to be handed the alternative.

On the suggestion of a parent on this forum, we've found Mohdoh. This is not only tactile for those that like to squeeze things, but it also smells. The variations include lavender and all sorts of other calming scents. This could be a good substitute, for what i'm sure is a perfectly lovely bum. :) (Link below) All joking aside, I can see how this would distress you, but its a common trait for some; but not all, on the spectrum

http://www.mohdoh.co.uk/

Lastly, this issue of work is a very personal one. I work from home and chose my work to fit around the care of my boys. This is a double edged sword or course, as money is often tight. In this last academic year I think i would have lost the plot completely if I'd had to work full-time for an employer and manage my boys transition difficulties into Further Education. I've found that few employers have the patience or inclination to accommodate a parent that has to run off every five minutes to a teenager whose vomiting and imobilized with crippling migraines. You may have a completely different experience of course and your key demands for care sound like they centre on the evenings, which must be exhausting following a stressful job during the day.

If you yourself work full time, I take my hat off to you! Persoanlly, i couldn't manage it and my own health problems are such that excessive stress; above what i have to manage with my boys, pushes me over the edge.

The best advice I can give is to be kind to yourself. You will worry about your son whether you are working or not, but don't let your own health suffer. Make sure you and your husband get 'quality time-out' together and consider also that becoming a full-time carer for your son can be incredably isolating. Balance is key. You know whats right for you and your family.

I'm sorry I cannot be of more help and i hope some of these modest suggestions help in some way.

Kinds Regards

Coogybear XX

May I suggest our behavioural specialist? You can book an appointment by calling our helpline 0808 800 4104 (10am-4pm). 

Hi, I'm not sure how useful my reply will be.  My son is an adult + isn't hfa.  I think you're right about some of it being related to hormones, becoming a teenager etc, wanting to assert some independence.  Also, he seems to appreciate a big reaction - possibly because this sort of reaction is easier for him to register,rather than subtler reactions which an autistic person may not necessarily always pick up on?  My son remembers big reactions, they make an impression upon him + he's happy he understood what was going on.  Do you think Fred gets things out of his system when he's not at school?  However well he is "managing", secondary school can be difficult for our children so it may be he expresses himself in this way when not there.  I'm wondering this because you don't report this behaviour happening at school.  Also he may not have a vg understanding of what's appropriate + what isn't.  Perhaps seeing things as amusing rather than appreciating he's causing more complicated reactions than that.  Social/communication etc is a difficult area for our children.  Re. the child with fragile x.  Can I say Fred's reaction didn't surprise me.  My son will clearly say whether he likes someone or not, regardless of whether they are present or not.  If someone doesn't interest him, he'll walk away.  Re.the bum thing.  This is difficult to deal with but would really irritate me.  Can you think of anything at all that would stop him doing it.  Is it a sensory thing?  Does he do it for the reaction he gets.  There must be some form of satisfaction in it, so if you can think of a way of making it unsatisfactory then it should stop.  Getting it under control by reducing how often it happens would be a start.  Can you think of an incentive he'd respond to?    Working is a difficult 1.  It really depends on how difficult things get.  My son went thru a very difficult time for quite a long time.  It was impossible for me to work + yes, you sit at home worrying about it every day.  In the end it has to be your decision.  Whether you could go p/t, I don't know.  If this reply has been useless then apologies.

Was really hoping for a reply :-(