Feel uncomfortable in my body

Hi, 

I'm a 53 year old woman and  autistic.  I'm trying so hard to explain how i feel and i don't seem to be able to find the right words for how I used to feel and am feeling now.

I am heterosexual and have never been in doubt about this.  I love being a female and never had any desire to be a male but when i went through puberty i detested the changes. Periods revolted me and made me feel inhuman. I hated boobs and still do. i chose baggy clothing to hide every lump and bump and still do . I felt very out of sorts but have never found the word to describe it.

Now the feelings seem to be back with the menopause. I despise the changes. i feel very odd.

I have experience 3 rapes and sexual assaults but married and had children.  Kissing repulses me and i have no desire to have a sexual relationship again. id be happy to have a hug but thats about it.

I felt this way prior to the assaults so it isnt that.

Anyone else had any experience of this?

It makes me feel very uncomfortable feeling so weird.

Thank you.