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Feel uncomfortable in my body

NAS96052

Hi, 

I'm a 53 year old woman and  autistic.  I'm trying so hard to explain how i feel and i don't seem to be able to find the right words for how I used to feel and am feeling now.

I am heterosexual and have never been in doubt about this.  I love being a female and never had any desire to be a male but when i went through puberty i detested the changes. Periods revolted me and made me feel inhuman. I hated boobs and still do. i chose baggy clothing to hide every lump and bump and still do . I felt very out of sorts but have never found the word to describe it.

Now the feelings seem to be back with the menopause. I despise the changes. i feel very odd.

I have experience 3 rapes and sexual assaults but married and had children.  Kissing repulses me and i have no desire to have a sexual relationship again. id be happy to have a hug but thats about it.

I felt this way prior to the assaults so it isnt that.

Anyone else had any experience of this?

It makes me feel very uncomfortable feeling so weird.

Thank you.

Parents

  • I think that maybe you will enjoy being post menopausal, it's great, like having an extension in your head, all the space that thinking about sex took up, often unconciously, become freed up. I felt like I'd become sensible again for the first time sinse I was about 12, I found some clarity. I don't want sex, I hate kissing to the point of being phobic about it, its an exchange of saliva, gross! I've become invisable and I love it, I have silvery grey hair, so thats one reason for my not being noticed, nobodies shouted at me in the street for years for having big boobs or feet, freedom. Does anybody like periods? Painful messy things, one of the things I've noticed is that may post menopausal women go out and buy white bedding, I think it's an unconcious flag of freedom, no more mess and leakages.

    Menopause is like adolscence in reverse you will have some uncomfortable times like hot flushes, brain fog and not being able to sleep very well, but there are things that can be done about these.

    Don't let yourself be fooled into thinking that everything must stem from sexual violence, as horrible and traumatic as it is, you had a life before and you've had one after.

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  • I think that maybe you will enjoy being post menopausal, it's great, like having an extension in your head, all the space that thinking about sex took up, often unconciously, become freed up. I felt like I'd become sensible again for the first time sinse I was about 12, I found some clarity. I don't want sex, I hate kissing to the point of being phobic about it, its an exchange of saliva, gross! I've become invisable and I love it, I have silvery grey hair, so thats one reason for my not being noticed, nobodies shouted at me in the street for years for having big boobs or feet, freedom. Does anybody like periods? Painful messy things, one of the things I've noticed is that may post menopausal women go out and buy white bedding, I think it's an unconcious flag of freedom, no more mess and leakages.

    Menopause is like adolscence in reverse you will have some uncomfortable times like hot flushes, brain fog and not being able to sleep very well, but there are things that can be done about these.

    Don't let yourself be fooled into thinking that everything must stem from sexual violence, as horrible and traumatic as it is, you had a life before and you've had one after.

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