Selective Memory

I was watching (or rather listening to) a video on YouTube by Orion Kelly aka That Autustic Guy. He's an Australian content creator and author of a book about his experiences being an autistic dad with anautistic son (just like me).

This video was about memory. He said there is a trait called selective memory. This sounded like the perfect excuse for forgetting birthdays and anniversaries, but in fact it's about not recollecting certain moments in your past, like having mole holes in the lawn on your memory. It struck a chord with me, as it is the sort of thing that has happened to me, and has caused arguments with my spouse. Let's face it: it is kind of hard to justify not remembering stuff. It's not like you can peer into someone's brain and check for holes (my brain is like a sieve at the best of times).

I've had something of a good day, kinda. The YouTube vids have helped the time pass quicker, I felt enlightened and I was in a better mood when I got back home.

Anyway, what are you "thoughts" (or lack theteof) regarding this aspect of autism? Does it ring true with anyone else?

Parents

Neuroqueer 2 months ago

I'm attempting to sift through mine in therapy, but it's extremely difficult and a lot of it is lost in the brain fog.

On the surface I don't think I had a bad childhood, but there were certain moments and events that shaped who I am and caused a significant amount of hangups and 'protective habits' shall we say.

Sometimes things come back, but it's only when said out loud to someone else that it becomes apparent how damaging some of it was.

No parent is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes, but as I've used as an example, when you stand on someone's foot by accident you still apologise. I don't think my parents ever have. My mother admitted that she may have made mistakes, but has never said sorry. We no longer speak.

Reply

Neuroqueer 2 months ago

I'm attempting to sift through mine in therapy, but it's extremely difficult and a lot of it is lost in the brain fog.

On the surface I don't think I had a bad childhood, but there were certain moments and events that shaped who I am and caused a significant amount of hangups and 'protective habits' shall we say.

Sometimes things come back, but it's only when said out loud to someone else that it becomes apparent how damaging some of it was.

No parent is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes, but as I've used as an example, when you stand on someone's foot by accident you still apologise. I don't think my parents ever have. My mother admitted that she may have made mistakes, but has never said sorry. We no longer speak.

Children

Gordon-not-Ramsay 2 months ago in reply to Neuroqueer

Sorry to hear your story. I have to say, as far as Orion's video, he said how it's usually, but not necessarily, a traumatic childhood experience that leaves the holes. Sure, they are likely to, but not always the case. It could be something quite incongruous that later turns out to be important to someone else.

I had quite a good childhood, though the problems i did face (bullying, out of the loop, feeling like an outcast or an alien) I see as being down to the condition now I'm more aware of autism.

As for your mum, I guess it is down to the fact you don't get given a parenting handbook when a child is born (thinking of a Johnny Mathis song now!) Any mistakes made tend to be chalked down to experience, swept under the carpet, and other such clichés. That seems to absolve parents of blame, even if the child does not feel the same way.

I do hope she comes around and realises she could be missing out on your life and your milestones. I'm much older and both my parents are sadly no longer around, but I know they loved me and I them. So, my fingers are crossed you can reconcile. And thank you for responding.

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