On New Year's Eve 2024, I vowed I would never say "next year has gotta be better. The only way is up!" It's the sort of thing people tend to say to get with the optimistic spirit of the new year.
So, I didn't say it, because it rarely is. I thought it would be good karma not to say it this time around.
2025 has, so far, been the worst f***ing year of my entire life! I have finally lost the will to carry on. I have precious few people I can confide in. I feel cut off from family. I am going through a divorce that involves my adult step-kids (who I git along wonderfully with before) turning their backs on me. I am still having to live with an estranged wife who hates my guts. I can feel my health rapidly deteriorating. I'm losing weight, smoking more and have dreadful headaches and a general woozy feeling.
I'm even wishing a heart attack or stroke upon myself, just so that people notice the sheer stress and emotional pain I'm under. It's hard to face another day because I know it's more of the same, only with less willpower and strength than the day before.
I long to go to sleep and hope I don't wake up.
