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Lost the will to carry on

Gordon-not-Ramsay

On New Year's Eve 2024, I vowed I would never say "next year has gotta be better. The only way is up!" It's the sort of thing people tend to say to get with the optimistic spirit of the new year.

So, I didn't say it, because it rarely is. I thought it would be good karma not to say it this time around.

2025 has, so far, been the worst f***ing year of my entire life! I have finally lost the will to carry on. I have precious few people I can confide in. I feel cut off from family. I am going through a divorce that involves my adult step-kids (who I git along wonderfully with before) turning their backs on me. I am still having to live with an estranged wife who hates my guts. I can feel my health rapidly deteriorating. I'm losing weight, smoking more and have dreadful headaches and a general woozy feeling.

I'm even wishing a heart attack or stroke upon myself, just so that people notice the sheer stress and emotional pain I'm under. It's hard to face another day because I know it's more of the same, only with less willpower and strength than the day before.

I long to go to sleep and hope I don't wake up.

Parents

  • I'm so sorry you're struggling. Life can be really difficult sometimes. This year was awful for me too. My father died and that was really really hard for me (and still is) and my relationship with my partner is only getting worse.

    You're not alone in this. Many of us face difficulties and feel like giving up. But you must remember that storms don't last forever. When your divorce is over things will calm down and you'll feel better. You'll start over.

    And of course you can always ask for help. A psychologist could help you handle those difficult feelings. You don't have to go through all this alone. Blush

  • in reply to Evi

    I'm awaiting on a consultation date. Three weeks I've waited. I have almost 2 years to wait for an autism assessment. The wheels of progress are painfully slow.

    Thank you for your kind words Heart️

  • in reply to Gordon-not-Ramsay

    Hang in there! Until your assessment date you can find out more about autism and get to know your self better. And things will get smoother. I only found out I was autistic when my son had an assessment. I've had the same traits. I've been learning more about myself ever since. This community here is very supportive and will also help you.

    Have a good night. Slight smile

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