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Life is so hard

Debby

Ive only just joined. 
i didn’t know he was autistic when we met, We both worked. When we didn’t we met up. Life seemed great. He cared, he was nice to me, he took me places. No one had treated me that nice before. After a while we got engaged and then married. I didn’t live with him before we were married. He wanted it to be done right. Then we moved to france. He commuted for a couple of years while he sold his company, Then we started spending time together,

Things seemed strange sometimes but I made excuses and bumbled through, all my friends lost touch. They didn’t like how he treated me. Even his brother and sister in law. I cried a lot, 

After two breakdowns I now see him as he is. Autistic. I’m too scared to say anything about it although I bought a book (hidden in the hen house) and read it so I know that’s what it is.

im 62 and he is 70. We have been married for 20 years, 

im scared of him. Everything I say is wrong and he explodes.

I created this email without him knowing, God help me if he ever finds out I have reached out.

Parents

  • Hi, this relationship doesn’t sound healthy, many people here are autistic but don’t treat partners badly. I’m not a marriage counsellor but I think you have decided that there is no future in this relationship. Do you have anywhere you can go to,  do you feel physically threatened? Mental cruelty is just as bad. You still have a lot of life ahead of you, you must make these years count.

    It sounds like he wouldn’t be too receptive to autism, there’s most probably people here who can give better advice. I wish you good luck.

  • in reply to Roy

    Im sorry I think I have wasted your time There is no where I can go and I have no friend's here coz we don’t go out.  I don’t have my driving license as I started having seizures. I’m handicapped, I have one leg, and I need medication for my seizures, depression and anxiety. 
    i couldn’t manage alone even if I had somewhere to go. 
    He can be nice so I guess this is it.

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  • in reply to Roy

    Im sorry I think I have wasted your time There is no where I can go and I have no friend's here coz we don’t go out.  I don’t have my driving license as I started having seizures. I’m handicapped, I have one leg, and I need medication for my seizures, depression and anxiety. 
    i couldn’t manage alone even if I had somewhere to go. 
    He can be nice so I guess this is it.

Children
  • in reply to Debby

    Hi, no you haven’t wasted anyone’s time, you have reached out. If you can’t leave then look into what is triggering him, you shouldn’t have to do this but it may just give you some degree of life. Maybe remove your surname and DOB from your profile.
    There isn’t only autistic people on this forum, there are many non autistic parents and partners.  Stay and ask questions, at least you will have some contact and could maybe come up with some strategies. As I  Said, abuse is wrong, managing him may just make life a bit better.