• Replies 7 replies
  • Subscribers 35 subscribers
  • Views 554 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Husband struggling with probable Neurodiversity

NAS75657

My husband is in his early 50’s.  Since our Son was diagnosed with Autism he has realised he is probably Autistic or Neurodiverse too. I believe it’s effecting his mental health but he won’t get assessed for it as I believe he thinks it means there is something wrong with him and he’s family with think that too and maybe treat him even less well than they do now. Anyone been through similar or can offer any advice to him or me?

Parents
  • NAS75657 said:
    Anyone been through similar or can offer any advice to him or me?

    My advice to him, and you, is the same.....and for the avoidance of doubt, I am a man in my 50's who had realised in my early-to-mid 40's that there was definitely "something" that made me very VERY "otherly" compared to my peers!

    I spent the best part of a decade "tearing myself to pieces" trying to understand WHAT my "something" was.  I did this as quietly and discretely as I could......but naturally, the process affected my mental health and my behaviours, not least because I encountered plenty of charlatans and false horizons along the way!

    I was resistant to the idea that something was "wrong" with me, but was also fully aware that an outside observer would reasonably conclude that there WAS something wrong with me.  That is a hard place to find yourself.......so please cut your husband as much slack as you can muster.*

    If he is autistic or otherwise neurodiverse, then this is simply a fact.  No amount of "anything" will change that simple fact........BUT.......allowing yourselves to accept that fact (whether loudly, or quietly....whether with a diagnosis, or not) can enable a sense of peace and calm that perhaps neither of you have yet been lucky enough to feel?  When it does arrive in your lives, I suspect it will be GLORIOUS for you both?!

    If your husband was to receive a diagnosis for autism (or other neurodiversity)......I doubt that this would fundamentally change anything, in a practical sense?  I know that others here may disagree with that perspective........but when when you have been able to reach your 50's relatively intact......then perhaps all you really need IS a sense of calm and peace about your own being?

    I think your husband perhaps just needs some more time to progress his own "process."  It does take time.  It is difficult.  No amount of well-meaning assistance will necessarily speed up that process......and interventions could, perhaps, harm it.  To put that another way = unless your husband is willing to accept his reality (irrespective of diagnosis or not), then I doubt that successful forward-motion can be achieved.

    I hope that these words are of some use to you (both) although I do appreciate there are no "quick-fixes" contained above........just a promise that, ACCEPTANCE (when it finally comes.....and it probably will) does allow a sense of peace and calm to emerge.

    I do wish you both well.

    * - PS.....Acceptable behaviour, however you (or you both) choose to define it, is non-negotiable.  Having a seriously tough time in our heads, most certainly is not an excuse for imposing an unacceptable time on those around us.

Reply Children
No Data