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Husband struggling with probable Neurodiversity

NAS75657

My husband is in his early 50’s.  Since our Son was diagnosed with Autism he has realised he is probably Autistic or Neurodiverse too. I believe it’s effecting his mental health but he won’t get assessed for it as I believe he thinks it means there is something wrong with him and he’s family with think that too and maybe treat him even less well than they do now. Anyone been through similar or can offer any advice to him or me?

Parents

  • Hi there!

    Yep, I echo the other responses.

    Culture.  Cultural. Generational.

    A conversation I had in the exit meeting with my daughters school.  At the time she was 14 and was (and still is) a beautiful, brilliant, ray of beauty who I love more than breath itself.  But at that time he spirit was broken, her light diminished and she was at such a low ebb, which is why we were taking her out of school to be home schooled.

    I'm 46, I was in high-school in the 1990s.  I said to her then during the meeting. I feel we Autistic are at a stage in 2024, like society was with being gay in 1994.  Legally schools, businesses, politicians, councils they know what they should say, they know its wrong to openly discriminate.  But teachers, bosses, managers - they'll allow the odd disrespectful comment, TV programmes will be made ridiculing the worst aspects, there's no real attempt to treat NuroD people with respect and understanding they need. People will just keep believing the stereotypes.

    So I think your husband is coming from this point, it's definitely not his fault.  Probably like me - the only tangible representation of autism is Dustin Hoffman in Rainman!?! Hardly something you want to be associated with.

    Often when I mention Autism, someone brings up The Big Bang Theory.  I don't like that either, again it's more cliché and stereotypes, like you can't be autistic without being emotionally hard and an academic nerd.

    Have you heard of Kieran Rose?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAwXbnLbN7E

    He is Autisc and "NORMAL" I think he'll be a good frame of reference for your husband (and you) to how you can be properly autistic but not be odd

Reply

  • Hi there!

    Yep, I echo the other responses.

    Culture.  Cultural. Generational.

    A conversation I had in the exit meeting with my daughters school.  At the time she was 14 and was (and still is) a beautiful, brilliant, ray of beauty who I love more than breath itself.  But at that time he spirit was broken, her light diminished and she was at such a low ebb, which is why we were taking her out of school to be home schooled.

    I'm 46, I was in high-school in the 1990s.  I said to her then during the meeting. I feel we Autistic are at a stage in 2024, like society was with being gay in 1994.  Legally schools, businesses, politicians, councils they know what they should say, they know its wrong to openly discriminate.  But teachers, bosses, managers - they'll allow the odd disrespectful comment, TV programmes will be made ridiculing the worst aspects, there's no real attempt to treat NuroD people with respect and understanding they need. People will just keep believing the stereotypes.

    So I think your husband is coming from this point, it's definitely not his fault.  Probably like me - the only tangible representation of autism is Dustin Hoffman in Rainman!?! Hardly something you want to be associated with.

    Often when I mention Autism, someone brings up The Big Bang Theory.  I don't like that either, again it's more cliché and stereotypes, like you can't be autistic without being emotionally hard and an academic nerd.

    Have you heard of Kieran Rose?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAwXbnLbN7E

    He is Autisc and "NORMAL" I think he'll be a good frame of reference for your husband (and you) to how you can be properly autistic but not be odd

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