Should I quit my job or try go sick?

That’s very educational thank you, I fear without a diagnosis I’m less important or less validated. I’m having to write self diagnosed autism on any online forms I’m doing to get mental health support because I’ve always had it and no one saved me so I have to save myself now

Thank you and yes I plan to call Monday to do this after speaking with a trusted friend he gave me the same sort of advice. It’s better that I take the time off and see how I feel after the sick period is over but I think in my heart I know this isn’t meant to be.

Autismman said:

I hated it once and now I’m just numb and entirely uninterested because I feel I’ve been used up, had to push through impossible limitations day after day without anyone really caring about it.

Assuming you get paid sick leave:

If things are as bad as you say and you don't think the job can/will improve at present then I'd go off sick for as long as you can.

They have made you feel like that and it sounds like you would genuinely benefit from time off for stress or occupational burnout.

Based on your comments the company are stealing from you. Taking your ability to feel, your motivation, pushing so hard and not even appreciating you. It may be affecting how you feel and spend time outside of work too. If so then they've also been stealing your leisure time. They OWE you.

They at least owe you paid sick leave while you get yourself in a better headspace and consider what you want to do longer term.

Just my view...

I also agree with Bunny and the links quoted sound useful.

Given how you’ve been made to feel in your role, and before doing anything else, you might find the advice here helpful :

ACAS - Constructive dismissal 

More information:

NAS - What can I do if I’m having trouble at work

I have got an appointment with health in mind in march on the phone for an hour. I’ve had a lot of therapy but it wasn't autism based nor did the psychologist I saw say anything about it 15 years ago or so. I wanted a definition of myself then and she wouldn’t do that and I don’t know why, she just said I was articulate among a few other things but the word autistic wasn’t mentioned. I mean it when I say I have ZERO fire in my heart, I’m like a little boy, that’s who I see when I look in the mirror.

My advice in your situation would be to get a therapist with strong autism support experience and work through the issues with them.

As you get to know yourself the confidence will grow and I expect they can even help with assertiveness training for dealing with the idiots at work.

I just haven’t got that instant full spirited confidence or self belief all I have is a need to get away from that place, I’m like a ghost walking the halls but I really will hate on myself for being lazy and not being strong enough, that voice inside your head that’s critical and unhelpful. 

Autismman said:

I brought this up with the CEO directly via email

If the mangagers in question find out you are a snitch then they will find ways to make life more unpleasant for you would be my expectation.

It is a challenge for us autists with our rigid moral compasses and it has caused me a lot of pain in the past.

In your shoes I would be looking for a new job with some focus.

Sorry to hear it is working out this way.

There’s a difference in the boss and the people I’m complaining about, I brought this up with the CEO directly via email, he had a more monitoring approach. But I am starting to feel too much water has passed under the bridge and the best thing I can do for me is to hand in my notice job or not because I can’t let my mental health decline anymore. I can only read actions and not words, what a mess ey

Autismman said:

What would you do?

2 options spring to mind

1 - learn to compartmentalise and stop caring the way everyone else does. This probably will take some training.

2 - start looking for another job.

Autismman said:

I have raised these issues only recently with my boss

I hope you don't mind me being blunt but this is probably going to lose you your job and you will find yourself edged out over time.

Since your boss is complicit in the behaviour and it seems systemic then you just became a risk to them - someone who may get them into trouble so a quite normal (for them) response would be to start making your job unbearable in the hope you break and do something stupid to qualify for gross misconduct or you just quit because you can't take it any more.

I've worked in a few places like this and on the whole I got out as soon as I could.