Damned with faint praise and praised with faint damns

I've told people about my plans to write a book and peoples reactions have been really odd, a couple of friends just totally ignored me, there wasn't even time for the tumble weed to start blowing across the hole that my disclosure had dropped into. Another friend has tried telling me what to write and finding bit and piece of information for me to include, none of which are relelvant to what I'm writing about. My Mum, son and step son are the only ones who have been encouraging, I don't get the negativity? Is it because I'm a working class older woman? Do they think I'm getting above my station in life and that people like me shouldn't do things like write, or would they be OK with me writing fiction rather than non fiction?

I didn't expect rounds of applause and street parties, but the lack of response is quite deafening, some who have responded have been very half hearted and I feel their responses match the thread title. Maybe because I'm doing it for pleasure rather than with any expectation of publication, people feel it's unimportant and not worth a comment.

Does this resonate with anyone else? I feel like theres some borderline hostility going on and it's really confusing me.

Parents
  • It's difficult when we are met with that reaction by people we care about but this is exoecting something of others.....which can often end in disappointment!  Forgive me, but you don't strike me as someone who needs validation from others to do something. Yes I know, interest would be nice but quite often our interests are niche in comparison with the majority. I have wondered at times if my own interests and activities are self indulgent because they do not produce anything of substance but learning is joy.  For what it's worth I think it's a most worthwhile endeavour, whether or not it leads to publication because you are doing it for yourself.  Which is what it's all about! 

  • I've learned not to expect external validation and certainly not to be attached to it, so almost all of what I do is for me, with the exception of the vast amounts of jams, pickles, chutney's and ketchups I make every year, most of those are for other people and I think my kids and step kids would think I've stopped loving them if I didn't do these things every year.

    But, it was one of the things I enjoyed about uni, the feed back, not that everything I wrote was always good, but having that sort of engagement, I know I'm not going to get it anywhere else, but just some little bit of encouragement and positivity, rather than it falling into nothingness. There are times when it's hard not to feel like my own ghost, that I'm haunting life rather than living it, because there's so little external validation of my existance, but Ye Gods, do I get all the blame and negativity piled an me, the eternal scapegoat. Thats a game I'm learning not to play anymore, handing back the wrongs that aren't mine.

    I am quite a strong person, I've had to be, but there are times when I wonder if I'm to strong for my own good, to self sufficient for my own good and if I shouldn't be more demanding of others?

  • t having that sort of engagement

    Yes I agree this is a good thing, especially when it comes to our interests, as often they can be lone pursuits. I think some of it, is needing another person to enjoy the enthusiasm with - regardless of if it's something they are interested in. Or critical discussions. If they're a friend or whatever, why can't they be enthused on our behalf because it's something we are enthused about in itself (ie reflection of emotion rather than the content of the interest). ie a bit of oomph back! But just as I wouldn't want someone to expect me to be something I'm not, I try and do the same with others. Being too self sufficient CERTAINLY doesn't seem a bad thing.

  • Your two first paragraphs are exactly my experience too. It's always "you should ask for help" but rarely does anyone then actually help. 

    I've been told repeatedly that, instead trying to help solve a problem, I should hold my tongue and just listen. That seems bizarre to me, when I happen to know a bunch of solutions that might help. If you're unhappy because of the problem, and I offer my time and effort solve it with you, then that'll stop you being unhappy about it, won't it? That's how I show I care. 

    And when I have a problem, people hardly ever offer their time and energy to help me solve it. I WANT help, that's why I'm sharing my problem. I don't want to hear "there there, how sad". Even if a solution offered doesn't work, I still feel you care by making the effort to come up with it. Not sure if that falls within "double empathy", but there you go. :-S :-)

    I just googled "Pelagianism" by the way XD

Reply
  • Your two first paragraphs are exactly my experience too. It's always "you should ask for help" but rarely does anyone then actually help. 

    I've been told repeatedly that, instead trying to help solve a problem, I should hold my tongue and just listen. That seems bizarre to me, when I happen to know a bunch of solutions that might help. If you're unhappy because of the problem, and I offer my time and effort solve it with you, then that'll stop you being unhappy about it, won't it? That's how I show I care. 

    And when I have a problem, people hardly ever offer their time and energy to help me solve it. I WANT help, that's why I'm sharing my problem. I don't want to hear "there there, how sad". Even if a solution offered doesn't work, I still feel you care by making the effort to come up with it. Not sure if that falls within "double empathy", but there you go. :-S :-)

    I just googled "Pelagianism" by the way XD

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