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I can't stop feeling jealous of my NT sisters

LivAgain

Hi all,

I'm 17 and have Asperger's, and I have two younger sisters, one 14 (15 in May) and one who has just turned 13. They are both NT, and therefore I see them having "normal" teenage lives (the 14-year-old is nauseatingly attractive, popular, clever and has a wonderful singing voice; she has even begun to be asked out by boys, and the 13-year-old is the most socially intelligent person I have ever met and treats me like I'm stupid and snaps at me) and I feel very inadequate. I saw my sister beautifully dressed to go to a party last night and went to bed and cried and cried because I feel so lonely and so cheated. My parents often say to me: "Well, you don't want to go to parties, Liv," and it's true; I don't, but I so want to be the person who does. I feel useless and fed up; I try so hard to fit in every day but, as soon as I start to feel more comfortable with myself, something seems to come along and reinforce that I never will go to parties or have NT friendships or boyfriends (not that any boy would want me even if I was NT as I'm not good looking). I know it's pointless and a victim attitude, but I can't seem to change how I feel. Also, I get the idea that my sisters are ashamed of me - maybe it's just my perception, but perception feels like reality, doesn't it? - as they often don't talk to me and go off together discussing things I can't relate to. I feel guilty that I can't relate to them, and guilty that I haven't been able to fufil the "big sister role"; it feels very demeaning that they are younger and blossoming into beautiful young women, and I'm stuck in this backwards little-girlhood, unable to give big-sisterly advice or support re boys or friendship fallouts, because I've never been through it. I do see the positives in this as it can be traumatic, but I see there as being so many more fun carefree times being pretty and respected in school, and I've never experienced it; when I was their age, the only real interactions I had with my peers were when they were bullying or "just teasing" me. I'm only making things worse by being jealous and self-indulgent, I know, but not being jealous is easier said than done, and I try to ignore the loneliness but I get so depressed sometimes - I can't always keep it at bay.

I'm sorry for such a maudlin post, but it's helpful to get these feelings out.

Liv x

Parents

  • Hi Liv

    there are some wise words here and LeedsStar's quote is brilliant.

    I just wanted to say that your parents love you and any hurt that has been caused in the past is long forgotten.  My own daughter (13) is always apologising to me for the times, she's sworn, kicked, thumped and bit me but I have to apologise straight back because I didn't handle it as well as I could have done.  I feel so much guilt for that, just as she does, but those times have gone and we need to look to the future.

    You sound like an amazing girl (one that any parent would be proud to have) and very perceptive.  As an NT, I was not disimilar to yourself as a teenage.  I had few friends, was very shy and never went to the disco's and youth club.  I preferred to stay home and read or listen to music.  Friends came later in life and although I did the clubbing scene for a while, I was never comfortable and I came to the conclusion that it is just a way of people preening themselves, trying to make themselves look good/funny/popular and trying to attract a mate.  Real friends take time to make.  My best friends are a group of ladies that I met on the internet while we were all pregnant.  We don't meet up face to face more than once a year but they are good friends and we email each other most days.  They are invaluable as friends.  Our common interest was obviously our pregnancies and then our babies but there may be similar communities out there that mirror your own interests?  

    Ps - I've always been jealous of my older sister - she's always been so confident and always looked so fashionable but as we've grown up, I've realised she has her own insecurities.

Reply

  • Hi Liv

    there are some wise words here and LeedsStar's quote is brilliant.

    I just wanted to say that your parents love you and any hurt that has been caused in the past is long forgotten.  My own daughter (13) is always apologising to me for the times, she's sworn, kicked, thumped and bit me but I have to apologise straight back because I didn't handle it as well as I could have done.  I feel so much guilt for that, just as she does, but those times have gone and we need to look to the future.

    You sound like an amazing girl (one that any parent would be proud to have) and very perceptive.  As an NT, I was not disimilar to yourself as a teenage.  I had few friends, was very shy and never went to the disco's and youth club.  I preferred to stay home and read or listen to music.  Friends came later in life and although I did the clubbing scene for a while, I was never comfortable and I came to the conclusion that it is just a way of people preening themselves, trying to make themselves look good/funny/popular and trying to attract a mate.  Real friends take time to make.  My best friends are a group of ladies that I met on the internet while we were all pregnant.  We don't meet up face to face more than once a year but they are good friends and we email each other most days.  They are invaluable as friends.  Our common interest was obviously our pregnancies and then our babies but there may be similar communities out there that mirror your own interests?  

    Ps - I've always been jealous of my older sister - she's always been so confident and always looked so fashionable but as we've grown up, I've realised she has her own insecurities.

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