What are your thoughts about romance? I think that romance is like communication - it's a two-way street. Autistic people get blamed for ‘hindering’ or ‘damaging’, but there is such a thing as a double empathy problem.
I've posted a short video about romance on my YouTube channel - or rather, it's my response to someone else's video about romance and autism.
I have a pretty strong moral compas and sense of right and wrong, but I'm definately not intolerant of liberal opinions or behaviours, it is possible to be socially liberal and have strong morals they just might not be the traditional ones so favoured by the religious and the political right.
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Have you ever wondered if instead of not being bothered and unwilling to try, that people may feel even more confused after reading such guidance than before? If someone reads about social rules and dosen't recognise them in the people around them that they may well feel reluctant to try them and risk being more wrong. Social rules vary so much from country to country and are very class based too
All these people can't be autistic.
True, but it is a common autistic trait and one that influences the focus on the self and ones values.
As with most autistic traits, they are also found in allistic people too but using your reasoning would mean that anxiety (also suffered by allistics) is not relevant to autism, the same why hypersensitivity to sound/light etc.
I was pointing out the contributing autistic factors that make us see ourselves more/better than others - possibly our more poorly expressed empathy should be added to the list as it is a common trait.
I think that's rather harsh and judgemental.
Harsh yes, but based on observation to responses to my recommendations on how people can learn the social rules.
I don't know the true reason why they don't read the information they asked for - I hypothesised that perhaps they couldn't be bothered (could be they thought it too much work, were afraid to try, thought it beyond them etc) or didn't want to try (afraid of making mistakes, didn't want to risk the very thing they said they wished they could do etc).
The responses are largely a thanks at best but mostly just silence.
I don't say they are bad, weak or unpleasant people - that would be judgemental. I tried to guess what was guiding their avoidance using what little information there was available.
many who have a strong moral compass are intolerant of the more liberal opinions or behaviours of others.
That's true the world over.
Fundamentalist beliefs cause terrorism and wars.
All these people can't be autistic.
lack of understanding of social rules then when a book is suggested that explains all this then they cannot be bothered to read it or don't want to try the techniques suggested.
I think that's rather harsh and judgemental.
We focus on what we need, feel, want etc rather than others.
These all stem from their autistic traits and it makes us more self centered (not necessarily selfish - a big difference) than neurotypicals on average.
I guess we see life through very different lenses if you see the above and see people being other people centered (the opposite of self centered).
I disagree on this completely.
I've lived my life focussed on others to the degree that I think it's made me physically and mentally unwell.
I've also been controlled and lost a lot of life opportunities through empathy and being a people pleaser.
And I don't believe I'm an exception.
My experience is often the opposite, both of myself, the autistic people I know personally, and from reading this forum.
I use the same base of the posts on this forum and my rational for the conclusion comes from the sheer number of posts which have common elements such as:
- difficulty in maintaining friendships or even relationships as they find it too hard to deal with the other peoples expectations
- need for lots of "me time" away from others in order to decompress and recharge
- lack of understanding of social rules then when a book is suggested that explains all this then they cannot be bothered to read it or don't want to try the techniques suggested.
- dislike of other people making noises, speaking to them or often generally existing.
- many who have a strong moral compass are intolerant of the more liberal opinions or behaviours of others.
etc
We focus on what we need, feel, want etc rather than others.
These all stem from their autistic traits and it makes us more self centered (not necessarily selfish - a big difference) than neurotypicals on average.
I guess we see life through very different lenses if you see the above and see people being other people centered (the opposite of self centered).
Very funny introduction - I bet that took longer than the rest of the video.
Overall much of this relies on us stopping being so self centered (a very common autistic trait)
Could you substantiate this statement with some evidence please?
My experience is often the opposite, both of myself, the autistic people I know personally, and from reading this forum.
It will of course vary from person to person depending on their personality, irrespective of whether they are autistic or allistic.
Interesting comment about autistic people tending to be self-centred. What do other people think about that?
I personally think it's nonsense but typical of the sweeping statements that are sometimes dumped on this forum.
I love your video, by-the-way.
Thank you very much. Ah yes, the intro...The excuses I make to dress up!
Fair enough, but I like the idea of romance - I'm just rubbish at being romantic in the conventional way.
Some useful tips here, I think. Interesting comment about autistic people tending to be self-centred. What do other people think about that?
I watched the video and thought you put across your points very well.
The intro was hilarious. 
It makes me want to vomit. I don't get it, I don't want it, I think it's a load of Hollywood mush.
What are your thoughts about romance?
It is largely a societal construct where the rules evolve over time and knowing what the other party to the relationship is wanting is incredibly hard.
I find it much more effective to be polite, kind and thoughtful and have a range of gestures to call on, eg:
When you go to visit them, always take a small gift, even if it is something small like fresh fruit, flowers they may have mentioned they like or their favourite snack. Listening to them and making notes on their favourite author / artist / actor helps here.
Make an effort to remember things that are important to them. Use your mobile phones calendar and note taking function to do this when out of their presence so it seems less mechanical to them - the mystique is an important part for many NTs
Ask how they are and how they feel - but not too often. This one is hard to judge but observing when their behaviour changes can be important.
Offer praise for the little things - how they dressed if they look a bit different to normal, if they have changed their hair or have a new accessory - tell them it looks great, suits them, that they have good taste etc. Keep it simple and sincere. It relies on you paying attention to them.
Overall much of this relies on us stopping being so self centered (a very common autistic trait) and focussing on the partner, paying attention and remembering the small stuff.
