Loving and hating

Hi, I have enjoyed reading your  thoughts on your faith in this forum. I had similar thoughts recently regards the duality of beuaty/versus pain existing in one body. The beauty of the Holy Spirit and then pain from my own physical body. i don't know your journey and what has brought you to where you are today. I think many people who do have a faith can become quite critical of themselves trying to measure to the requirements of their faith and confronting sin. Saint John of the Cross used to declare himsef as a big sinner when he clearly wasn't.

I wrote my testimony on my faith which I linked to on this forum.. I think it speaks to those who are neurodiverse or disabiled physically or mentally.. With your inner battle I thought I would mention it

.racheltestimony.blogspot.com/

I wish you the best

I read your testimony. ️ I wish you the continuing blessing of the One who has saved you on your onward journey.

Thank you for your insights into living with neurodiversity and faith. It is enlightening and I often find that first-hand experiences (testimonies) speak the clearest to me, as if God Himself is speaking to me. I believe that He works miraculous deeds through His servants. 

Suicidality and matters pertaining to mental health are to be found throughout The Bible and, as you surmised, through Christian (esp. Catholic) tradition in the lives of the saints. Prophets who longed for death, disciples who longed for blessed release. I regard myself as somewhere within this camp - a disciple filled with self-hatred and doubt and a prophet filled with foreboding about what God has planned for me. Trying to 'blend in' has worked, to some degree, until now in my life but I don't know how much more I can do and where it is leading me. I've taken to dressing differently to try to stand out, lowering my mask and revealing how something is 'odd' about me, egging the devil (the worldly power) on to persecute me, knowing that I am protected. 

The future is always a misty-glassed mystery to me, and I take comfort in this because 'knowing' God's will is scary. I try to make sense of the present based on the past (the historian in me) and defer to God, trusting in Him, handling His Word and looking for the signs around me. His will out - the good will out.

I read your testimony. ️ I wish you the continuing blessing of the One who has saved you on your onward journey.

Thank you for your insights into living with neurodiversity and faith. It is enlightening and I often find that first-hand experiences (testimonies) speak the clearest to me, as if God Himself is speaking to me. I believe that He works miraculous deeds through His servants. 

Suicidality and matters pertaining to mental health are to be found throughout The Bible and, as you surmised, through Christian (esp. Catholic) tradition in the lives of the saints. Prophets who longed for death, disciples who longed for blessed release. I regard myself as somewhere within this camp - a disciple filled with self-hatred and doubt and a prophet filled with foreboding about what God has planned for me. Trying to 'blend in' has worked, to some degree, until now in my life but I don't know how much more I can do and where it is leading me. I've taken to dressing differently to try to stand out, lowering my mask and revealing how something is 'odd' about me, egging the devil (the worldly power) on to persecute me, knowing that I am protected. 

The future is always a misty-glassed mystery to me, and I take comfort in this because 'knowing' God's will is scary. I try to make sense of the present based on the past (the historian in me) and defer to God, trusting in Him, handling His Word and looking for the signs around me. His will out - the good will out.