Do you ever say the wrong thing??

There's quite a bit to unpack there, and the whole situation is rather ambiguous. By local faith groups, to whom are you referring? Are the children in question already being raised within the religion of these groups? Where do your friends fit into this situation? Are the parents of the children aware of this idea?

Obviously I can't ask who you are in this situation due to anonymity rules, but as it's unclear what your position may be in regards to these local faith groups, it's hard to say how appropriate your idea is. It sounds like there's something in there that your friends find objectionable. Could you tell us what they expressed to you about it?

Without knowing more, it's hard to really assess the situation to know what to say about it.

Thanks for your reply. I wanted to pay for communities to write booklets for kids to have and also swap and share that celebrate the best and good bits about it their faith, and challenged stereotypes and herald historical heroes and living members of the community who have shown universally acknowledged virtues (humiiity, charity, love, compassion, patience, temperance, diligence, forgiveness etc). I met and spoke to an imam who was realy excited at the idea and also went to a synagogue to see if they’d be interested (who were also really keen!

When I told a friend who is a teacher she said it was really offensive for me to do this as I am a white middle class secular woman. I couldn’t understand why -I thought I saw a gap for a local initiative that could promote unity of different faiths and backgrounds but she felt I was being prejudicial and bigoted and islamophobic. My husband then agreed.

I can, and have accepted I have got this wrong. I don’t want to hurt or offend anyone-quite the reverse. But I can’t claim to understand it. 

I find social situations so incredibly difficult to navigate and feel despondent and can’t see the point in trying any more. Why has society made this so complicated - so complicated and so lacking in faith and trust in peoples ability to be well meaninged? The hypersensitivity to causing potential offence I myself find upsetting and offensive.

how can I ever advise my autistic daughter how to navigate the world when someone seeing an unkindness, deciding the pay a lot of money towards helping parties involved fix that unkindness is apparently offensive!? When the parties themselves seemed keen and thought it was a good intitiative!? How can life be so complicated!?  

I so often feel conspicuous that I don’t say or act in the right way. These sorts of things just make me want to hide away forever and never meet anyone or go anywhere or do anything as this makes me feel hurt, untrusted, scared, and stupid. 

I know this isn’t a sensible solution. But I suppose I just need to vent and would appreciate knowing if I’m not the only one to find adult life so im possible. I feel I fail at every turn at the moment. I keep offending people when I am trying to be as kind as I can, and honest at the same time.

please, if you have any experience of putting your foot in it, or doing the wrong thing, please let me know I’m not alone.

You are not alone.

I upset people all the time, no matter how hard I try not to.

A few years ago I attended a DBT Distress Tolerance Skills workshop. To start with, it a a nightmare for me simply because it was a group activity; a nightmare for me. I resolved to say as little as practicable.

As an "ice-breaker" the facilitator asked the attendees to describe a unique feature about themself. First thing I thought was there is nothing unique about me. Every thing I can do or have done has been done by someone before. I, along with everyone else, am unique: not special but unique.The facilitator opened by saying that she had a black-belt in karate. Not a person to be trifled with, I thought. In turn all the other attendees introduced themselves and cited something unique about themself.When it can to me, I simply stated my name. No need to upset anyone at this stage, I thought.

The following morning I sent the facilitator an email apologizing for not engaging with the group. I also wrote that my special talent was upsetting people. It's not a skill; I don't practise it, it just comes naturally. I didn't want to say this in a group session.

During the third session I tried to engage with the group, as best I could. The result? I upset the facilitator! She was so angry with me. Keep in mind this is in a Distress Tolerance Skills setting where all the attendees were survivors of trauma. I had a panic attack and bolted from the room tout suite. I did not return, unlike General Douglas MacArthur.

QED, I thought. I did try warn her.

If upsetting people were an Olympic event I would be a multiple gold medalist. I upset people by speaking, not speaking,  simply by being. Pathologically, I have foot-in-mouth disease.

You are not alone.

I upset people all the time, no matter how hard I try not to.

A few years ago I attended a DBT Distress Tolerance Skills workshop. To start with, it a a nightmare for me simply because it was a group activity; a nightmare for me. I resolved to say as little as practicable.

As an "ice-breaker" the facilitator asked the attendees to describe a unique feature about themself. First thing I thought was there is nothing unique about me. Every thing I can do or have done has been done by someone before. I, along with everyone else, am unique: not special but unique.The facilitator opened by saying that she had a black-belt in karate. Not a person to be trifled with, I thought. In turn all the other attendees introduced themselves and cited something unique about themself.When it can to me, I simply stated my name. No need to upset anyone at this stage, I thought.

The following morning I sent the facilitator an email apologizing for not engaging with the group. I also wrote that my special talent was upsetting people. It's not a skill; I don't practise it, it just comes naturally. I didn't want to say this in a group session.

During the third session I tried to engage with the group, as best I could. The result? I upset the facilitator! She was so angry with me. Keep in mind this is in a Distress Tolerance Skills setting where all the attendees were survivors of trauma. I had a panic attack and bolted from the room tout suite. I did not return, unlike General Douglas MacArthur.

QED, I thought. I did try warn her.

If upsetting people were an Olympic event I would be a multiple gold medalist. I upset people by speaking, not speaking,  simply by being. Pathologically, I have foot-in-mouth disease.