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Being ignored by friends

Freckles

Does anybody else feel completely ignored by their friends? I have certain friends that never reach out to me first, it will always be me who has to start the conversations. Whilst I do understand that the majority of people I speak to are neurotypical and have busy work lives I feel that if they truly wanted to be my friend they would try and connect? One friend in particular tends to very rarely post on social media or message people so I tend to try sending messages when they've recently posted things as I know they'll be on their phone, but it can go days or even weeks before I'll even get a response. 
It breaks my heart because it takes two minutes to check in with someone and say hi or to let them know you can't talk right now, and this friend is someone I have known for at least 8 years and they were my best friend in high school. Now I have an odd thing with relationships, I know I can be overwhelming and honestly I feel entitled to be responded to but I've worked on that and rarely message them anymore. I don't push people to respond to me but I really really struggle internally when they don't. 
I don't work myself due to extreme social phobia and mutism, so I think it's hard for me to understand their point of view about being busy. Do I give up on the friendship? Do I try and salvage it? I think it's worth noting that I have told them multiple times how I feel about them not responding and they've apologised and said they will try and be better with it but then there is just no change?

Parents

  • Did you ask them why they’re not answering? As someone who also struggles to reply and text, I just want to give some perspective on why that might be the case.

    The first reason is simple. I’m disorganised and very visual. So, I might get a text and think “I’ll get back to it as soon as I’ve got time” but I’ll then forget to to exactly that and after a while it’s just awkward and I don’t know what to answer so I procrastinate. I also tend to forget that people exist if I don’t see them regularly and therefore forget to initiate contact. For instance, my best friend lives quite a bit away from me and I sometimes forget to check in with her for days/weeks at a time. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about her, not at all. In fact, I love and appreciate her deeply. She’s one of the most important people in my life.

    Another factor that increases those struggles is poor mental health, stress or just feeling burnt out. During difficult periods of time, I can feel overwhelmed even by small things such as reading, processing and answering to a message. 

    It might help to understand the reason behind your friends behaviour. Maybe they’re struggling with their mental health or they might just be disorganised.

    This, of course, doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t valid. It is very understandable why you’re feeling frustrated, rejected, sad or even a bit angry. It’s okay to feel this way, no matter what!

Reply

  • Did you ask them why they’re not answering? As someone who also struggles to reply and text, I just want to give some perspective on why that might be the case.

    The first reason is simple. I’m disorganised and very visual. So, I might get a text and think “I’ll get back to it as soon as I’ve got time” but I’ll then forget to to exactly that and after a while it’s just awkward and I don’t know what to answer so I procrastinate. I also tend to forget that people exist if I don’t see them regularly and therefore forget to initiate contact. For instance, my best friend lives quite a bit away from me and I sometimes forget to check in with her for days/weeks at a time. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about her, not at all. In fact, I love and appreciate her deeply. She’s one of the most important people in my life.

    Another factor that increases those struggles is poor mental health, stress or just feeling burnt out. During difficult periods of time, I can feel overwhelmed even by small things such as reading, processing and answering to a message. 

    It might help to understand the reason behind your friends behaviour. Maybe they’re struggling with their mental health or they might just be disorganised.

    This, of course, doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t valid. It is very understandable why you’re feeling frustrated, rejected, sad or even a bit angry. It’s okay to feel this way, no matter what!

Children
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