Published on 12, July, 2020
A couple days ago I got an assignment to create a resume and cover letter for a finance and career class (its required...but useful).
Its quite simple. Its one page and I have to choose a job to apply to (for pretend) and write my name, contact info, skills I have relating to the job, my past job experiance, etc.
It SHOULD be simple.
However I didn't start until a few hours ago (I attempted to start many times) and its because its due tomorrow. *I* didn't even do it... my mom did (and then I edited out a lot of it).
I couldn't think of a job that I would like or that I'd be good at. My mom said that I don't actually have to be either of those things because its pretend and I'm not really applying... And I'd be okay doing a pretend one, if I had a pretend character I was being, but its ME in the assignment which means anything I put will be shown to the teacher as something I would want/like. And I don't want her to get the wrong impression because that would be a lie.
Eventually my mom just made me stick with a tutoring kids job she found. So I had to think of my past work experiance... which is none. My mom wrote that I volunteer to help kids with activities - that's not true. I have little kid friends and I'll sometimes do activities with them.. That is not volunteering.
I had to think of traits I have that would make me a good person to hire. My mom thought stuff like: writing, math, chemistry, music, art, organization. I don't think I can write that stuff. They are opinions and will be different depending on who is being compared with, yet I'm supposed to state them as facts... Even if I write okay, there are people who know better words, who can actually spell and know grammer, know proper punctuation, can express themself better, etc. So what if I say I'm a good writer and the the hiring manager expects me to be a certain way and then I'm not that way. Or what if I take the spot of someone who has better skills and instead they are stuck with my mediocrity. And whatever I wrote the teacher would see and what if she thinks I am a horrible writer? Then she will think I am over confident with my abilities.
Every little thing I had problems with. My mom hates helping me with homework because she says I'm frustrating. So sometimes I just cant push myself to turn in an assignment (or even do) because it caused too much anxiety and wasn't good enough and I had too many 'unknowns' and problems with it, and if my mom gives up with helping. Then I get a zero and then my grade goes down.
My mom says that I have the most trouble with assignments that most people would consider fun and easy. I don't mind doing dozens of algebra equations, or writing an essay, but if its something about myself or something without an exact right awnser or no clear expectations, then I feel stuck. And it probably would take most people 30min to write their make-believe resume but it took my days and I didn't even end up doing it myself and I am still very unhappy with what I turned in..
The only reason I DID turn it in is because I wrote a message to my teacher about how I don't actually believe what I wrote and I gave all the issues I have with resumes... The message took me almost an hour to write and the teacher probably doesn't even care what I write in my assignments.. But I just couldn't turn it in unless I said something. It feels like I'm lying otherwise and I would worry for the rest of the year (and years later - not exaggeration, just know from other experiences) that she would remember it and think about it and think how I lied.
But even the email to my teacher lead to overthinking. I repeatedly checked to make sure I had the right class, teacher, assignment, button. All the info was correct but I am terrified that I'll misread something and then I send my message to some other teacher, or about the wrong assignment. Or that technology hates me and will send my message to the entire class. I reread my message and kept rewording and adding more and deleting. I did eventually just click send as fast as I could because there's no undo button so what's done is done... And I try to go to bed by 10 which was over an hour ago.
I keep getting backed up on homework and its mostly because of these types of situations. In math I finish my work very quick and never have to take it home.. Math isn't easy in the sense that I'm some sort of genius, but all I have to do is learn how its done then do it. Or other classes where I just memorise facts or concepts. Im even fine with some opinion type things...like an argumentative essay, but that has rules. A resume about your abilities and interests does not have a right awnser and that means I just write whatever and hope no one thinks I was a fool.
I have another homework due tomorrow.. The class doesn't accept late work. Another assignment that I have had issues with since Thursday of last week. I should have been doing that instead of writing this pointless post. But this post is easy.
Again, this post is pointless.. My brain just has thoughts and I am really bad at knowing how much I can talk to people (and about what) so at least a post you all can ignore if you like.
Ill be real useless when it comes time I do get a job (if I couldn't even handle getting a fake job). Not to mention the actual interview part (my teacher said to shake hand firmly, maintain eye contact, don't fidget, smile, small talk before interview, ...there's more but basically its the opposite of an autist ((not all auts of course))). Having a job would be hard to - cant miss work too often, cant miss deadlines, go everyday for hours, etc. Im not ready for adult life (in the next year), I havent even aced teenager life yet, maybe even kid life. Im just all of them and none of them at the same time (maybe more none of them. I never been an adult so I cant say I am partially one).
Edit: The message I wrote my teacher was long and I said I wasn't expecting a responce.. Her NOT responding is making me nervous though. It turns out there is a delete button. I'm debating if I should delete it. It could possibly be helpful for her to know my thoughts processes, But maybe she thinks its silly or maybe im not allowed to say more personal stuff to teachers (does that break a professionality rule?).
Edit-edit: So I CAN delete the message but it says the teacher can read deleted messages ..so that complicate things more...
I'd say most assuredly yes. I remember being a child of about 10 years old. I was on my first flight, my dad taking my younger sister and I to Disneyland Paris. After the flight attendent went through her safety routine, I stopped her and bombarded her with questions about "what if" scenarios until my dad made me stop. I tend to be over-prepared for anything I set out to do, but also very poor at improvising.
Like the snowflake after "letting it go" (let it go! Let it go!)
507train said:Also I will triple check a sum so I know it's right
Whenever I post a comment, I check back several times to make sure I understood the thing I'm replying to, make sure they were talking to me, that I had the correct user, buttons, everything. And then I worry about it ages after the fact.. A few days ago I had gotten really bothered about a potential miscommunication I wrote. I tried to edit it but apparently there is a time limit to edit responces (I think it had been 18 days ago or something). Im not even sure anyone did misunderstand, but once I got the idea then I have a difficult time letting it go (). ....Not that any of this is related to what you said.
I often wonder if over complicating things is a a sign of autism
Like at work we have to cash up but I do it backwards as I find it easier and no one gets what I mean
Also I will triple check a sum so I know it's right
And a co worker pointed out hoe when waiting for a card payment to go through that I will just stare at the customer and go ok that's gone through ah the Joy's of awkward social skills
#Desmond79 is SO VERY right in each of his punchy three points above.
I use more words......but bear with me?!
Fwiw......it isn't only that teacher that sees obvious potential in #FH!
Hope generates love and hope beyond her feline realm.....this true power, has 'reach' beyond expected boundaries?!
The power and vitality of youth has ENDLESS potential [especially from within autistic souls.]
I do wish that more positive airtime was given to THAT fact, rather than to the endless torrent of limitations and challenges that are self-evident to everyone [and especially so to ourselves as autistic souls, and IRONICALLY, this understanding is especially strong ABOUT ourselves too!] No wonder that we can be SO misunderstood?!
It is all difficult.....but each of us CAN prevail, and in my opinion, this is most especially evident in the case of #FH, and some of our glorious youth, in general.
With positivity emanating for us all - especially for the potential of our "young'uns,"
Number.
We're our own worst critic.
Your teacher obviously sees potential in you, which maybe you don't see yourself.
You're only starting to tread the boards, now.
Thanks.
I found as I got older, there were more and more mistakes, and happy memories, to add to my collection, so the not-so-important ones didn't get remembered much. I think this includes pretty much everything from my first 22 years.
If you feel this was a mistake, what did you learn from it? (I don't need to know - I would just be thinking this to try and move forward, as I get bored with my 'stuck' mind sometimes!)
(reply to all below)
Okay maybe she DIDNT just give me a good grade because she felt 'sorry' for me (its against the teacher rules anyway). But I still know I didn't meet all the criteria. Maybe she decided to be easier on the assignment if everyone did sort of bad? It is her first year teaching this class so she may not know what her expectations should be yet.
Assuming she did genuinely think I deserved that grade, it still wasn't ME who did well. My mom is the one who wrote it all... That probably is cheating.
My brain knows that she probably didn't give me a good grade because of what I wrote, but I got the idea in my head and I don't know how to make it go away. Im totally fine but then the thought comes again and I feel stupid and like I have to hit myself for it to go away. Ill probably move on eventually but I'm not 100% sure about that - I still am bothered by potential ..failures from many years ago (most of which weren't actually failures but I just imagined them as such). And since I see this teacher for 2 hours everyday (minus weekends and holidays), then I'll be reminded everyday. And when she sees me then she will be reminded about what I wrote. Which will make her uncomfortable and me uncomfortable and it'll affect how well I do and she'll hate me and yeah..
I know most of that is illogical... but I cant help thinking it.
Today I have a fever but I'm not ill so that's confusing.
Well said.
When all empirical evidence points to just one thing, but your feelings are all over the place, stick with the evidence.
Well done for having your work rated as 100%.
Yeah same page. Teachers generally want their students to succeed. Heavens knows they're not in it for the money. Your teacher thinks you deserve the score you got. Try to trust that she knows what she's talking about.
Look to the 'learning outcomes/objectives' for the class/assignment. That tells you what you are expected to demonstrate, and guide you to how you will be marked.
In creating a CV and cover letter you are probably working out how to tailor your experience to fit the vacancy, because to proceed to interview you need to 'tick' a number of criteria (essential and desirable if they list them), so each application is like an essay you write where the job advert and job description is the 'question'. If you don't put your experience down in the exact words mentioned by the advert/job description, you will not be shortlisted for an interview. Sending the same CV to different employers does not work, you have to explain how you would fit in to the vacancy they have.
It is up to you to tailor your interests to what they are looking for. Simply stating you did one thing, when rephrasing it in 'their' terms you are applying your experience to what you imagine their job will be like. And if you can't imagine what the job will be like, why should they interview you? They don't know what your experience of a particular thing is, and they are only really interested in as much as it gives them an idea how you will do their job. They are not so much bothered with what you did. It's what you would do if you were given this job, that they are interested in.
I was always confused at school, because I could never work out what they wanted me to learn. Now they use learning outcomes it is easier for me when I went back to uni to do a qualification.
You are too tough on yourself. You did really well and should be proud of yourself. I very much doubt that a teacher can be influenced that much in the way that you describe. You did really well. Try to allow yourself to believe that.
I had deleted my message to the teacher (but she still read it I imagine). She commented 'well written job history'. Teachers don't usually write comments. And she gave me a 100% on the assignment. I did not do very good at all on it, and I'm worried that my message had 'manipulated'/influenced her to give me a good grade and nice comment... I feel like an idiot.
I respect that you want to be honest about it and not exaggerate. It's a common quality of autists to have a strong sense of integrity and justice. It's also not particularly wise to set yourself up for failure by making promises you can't keep. I think this makes sense to all of us here. Employers certainly do want their potential hires to be honest with them too. It makes it easier for them to decide who to accept and who to reject. And that's ultimately what's key. You apply to a job that you believe you can do, and then convince whoever is responsible for hiring that it's in their best interest to accept you.
I could certainly tell employers or hiring staff that I run D&D games as a hobby, and that I'm good at convicing people to try things. But I would need to make it clear to the employer what marketable skills this proves that I have. And then once I've determined what those skills would be, I remove or rephrase the unnecessary information. I can say I've run a successful D&D campaign for two years, keeping a consistent group of players entertained, proving that I understand how to provide a fun experience. Or I can call it an extensive game design workshop where I learned team building, game structure, data management, creating a loyal consumer base, and anything else I can think of that applies. That's not dishonest. It's what Marcus Tullius Cicero would call "adjacent to the truth". I haven't said once that I was in a formally employed position for any of those skills. We all start somewhere.
The point of it all is that you don't need to lie to get a job. You just need to be skillful at how you present yourself.
Oran G. Utan said:A resume isn't about an honest presentation. You're selling a product, and that product is you. So you embellish, and you upsell.
That really bothers me... I don't have enough self awareness for that or confidence. And it doesn't make sense - If I was going to hire someone I'd want to know everthing about them not eggagerations of their good qualities.
Oran G. Utan said:but from that I can say that I have a background in game design. If I do well at convincing people to try out a game or a hobby, then I can say I have a background in sales.
If I heard someone say they have a background in sales then I would imagine they had an actual sales job, or that they designed games for a company. Wouldn't it be better to just say you play D&D and are able to convince people to try a game/hobby? I suppose you could say you have a background in those things but probably only if you say what you mean by that..
On that logic I could say I have experiance in classroom management because I play with my toys who go to school. But that's not the same as someone who actually was a teacher.
In the case of this resume, I can see that what you seem to want to do is present an honest perspective of yourself, which gets you hung up on technicalities and specifics. But your mother was right about the kids activities, not in a literal sense, but in the intent. A resume isn't about an honest presentation. You're selling a product, and that product is you. So you embellish, and you upsell.
I host Dungeons and Dragons style games. I come up with the story, setting, characters and challenges, and present them for players to engage with. It's just a hobby, but from that I can say that I have a background in game design. If I do well at convincing people to try out a game or a hobby, then I can say I have a background in sales.
Now obviously I'm not encouraging you to outright lie to anyone. You find value in yourself and the skills that life have taught you, and you encourage others to see the potential in you through confidence. Most jobs will provide a degree of training anyway, and then proceed to try to squeeze every drop of value they can out of you. Your duty to yourself is to give what you're given and get every bit of value out of them too. The modern working strategy encourages you to change occupations frequently, so your long term plan should be to leave that position anyway, with more experience and a better job waiting for you at the next step.
TheMaskedPro said:I am finally plucking up the nerve to jump into a new job
I never really thought if I needed to know the point of an assignment but maybe that would help. Some assignments do seem quite meaningless. (Like one I had last year where I had to plan what food I'd have at my Thanksgiving feast)
I would have an easier time writing a resume for a fictional person, that wasn't the assignment though. Maybe I could try making one on my own time so I learn the process... I don't know.
Thanks for the suggestions