Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I'm new to this site. I saw a notice about the National Autistic Society at my school, so decided to further check out their site and stumbled across this community. This has all happened at the right time as I'm struggling at the moment.
My parents are throwing a party and I'm struggling with this because I'm a social train wreck. And at parties there's always loud music and it lasts for hours. I speak from experience here of my parents past parties.
Last time there was a party I set my tent up at the bottom of the garden and camped it out. Amazing experience! If you haven't camped then definitely try it...you won't regret it! I love camping, being out near nature. Even in my garden it's surprising how much nature is around.
I would go camping this time but my tent got sold last year. It was an accident apparently but I have a suspicion my mum did it intentionally so I can't escape the party...she thinks I can overcome all my autistic difficulties if I face them with a positive I can do it attitude.
If it was dry I'd just sleep outside anyway. Nothing better than sleeping under a starry sky. I used to do this with my Gramps before he died. But it's pouring down all day today.
I'll shut myself in my room but there will be the loud music and family invited to the party just barge in my room and start talking to me. It's literally the worst it really is. It's only a night and I know I probably sound the biggest moaner ever but it's really hard for me to get through things like this.
I'd love to be able to enjoy parties and talk with my family without getting intensely anxious but sadly I don't ever see that being a possibility for me.
I need a tent or a lock for my door.
There are ways different ways to socialize. It doesn't have to involve pushing you into an environment with loud music and partying. It could just be a quiet one-on-one conversation with someone. If you don't like loud music and partying, I don't think that makes you socially inept. I'm able to socialize with people, but I wouldn't like that kind of loud environment either. I wouldn't enjoy that.
In order to socialize effectively, you need a certain level of comfort, otherwise there's too much anxiety and the socialization fails.
I learned to socialize, by just imagining that I'm somewhere I like (mainly my room, but you could imagine being in the tent), and that level of comfort is what you "feel" when you are talking to someone. It comes across as confidence. And questions like "what have you've been doing lately?" Or noticing something about them like "that's an interesting hat, where did you get it?" might open up channels of conversation, or amusing stories and experiences. I try to think of the other person and get curious about them, rather than think about myself and what weird things I might be doing at the moment.
Even people at loud parties will usually go with someone they know that they can buddy up with. Why? It's because of comfort. They will only be comfortable going if they know a person who is going to go too, otherwise they won't go because it'll be too intimidating and anxiety provoking to go to a party alone, where everyone knows everyone else, and they know no one there. Many people have social anxiety in one way or another, so don't feel disheartened about your social skills.