Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I'm new to this site. I saw a notice about the National Autistic Society at my school, so decided to further check out their site and stumbled across this community. This has all happened at the right time as I'm struggling at the moment.
My parents are throwing a party and I'm struggling with this because I'm a social train wreck. And at parties there's always loud music and it lasts for hours. I speak from experience here of my parents past parties.
Last time there was a party I set my tent up at the bottom of the garden and camped it out. Amazing experience! If you haven't camped then definitely try it...you won't regret it! I love camping, being out near nature. Even in my garden it's surprising how much nature is around.
I would go camping this time but my tent got sold last year. It was an accident apparently but I have a suspicion my mum did it intentionally so I can't escape the party...she thinks I can overcome all my autistic difficulties if I face them with a positive I can do it attitude.
If it was dry I'd just sleep outside anyway. Nothing better than sleeping under a starry sky. I used to do this with my Gramps before he died. But it's pouring down all day today.
I'll shut myself in my room but there will be the loud music and family invited to the party just barge in my room and start talking to me. It's literally the worst it really is. It's only a night and I know I probably sound the biggest moaner ever but it's really hard for me to get through things like this.
I'd love to be able to enjoy parties and talk with my family without getting intensely anxious but sadly I don't ever see that being a possibility for me.
I need a tent or a lock for my door.
Hey Ninj, welcome to the community! I'm glad you found us, especially at a time when you need support.
I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with a really challenging situation. Parties are so overwhelming, especially with the noise and social interactions, and expectation of looking like you’re having a nice time. I totally get why camping in your garden was a great escape for you. It's unfortunate about your tent – it seems like you had found a perfect solution! I hope you could get yourself a new tent soon. Maybe try a local charity shop where you might be able to get one for cheap.
If you can't get a new tent, perhaps you could try your earplugs to help with the loud music and put up a clear sign on your door asking for privacy. Sometimes people don’t realise how important that space is for us, and barging into your room is completely unacceptable! You might have to compromise a little and maybe say hello to your family at the party early in the evening (before they get too drunk!) and then go back to your room (although you shouldnt have to compromise IMO, but sometimes it’s just easier to).
Keep trying to communicate your needs to your parents and explain how these parties affect you. Say you are not asking them to stop them all together, but to consider you when they plan them. If retreating to your tent worked, ask them to buy you a new tent.
You're absolutely not a moaner. Your feelings and experiences are valid, and it's okay to feel angry about finding yourself in a situation that you’ve practically been forced into. I’m sorry your parents aren’t fully understanding of your autism.
You can always come onto this forum to have a little rage or get things off your chest when the party happens, or anytime you need. It can be really helpful to put your frustrations into words and get reassurance from other likeminded people. I hope overtime you also build some connections with other people here