Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
Strange title, I know, especially given where I have chosen to publish this. But does anybody else feel the same? It may be that my late diagnosis contributes to how I am feeling or that I have only had my diagnosis for seven years. Still, I constantly have the feeling reinforced by my interactions with the "support structure" that runs parallel to the neurodiverse community.
I suppose I suffered from a certain amount of naivety as I trudged along the diagnostic path. I often considered what life would entail (It is nothing like I thought it would be) from a post-neurotypical perspective. Would I become a maestro on the piano? Would I develop savant-level maths skills? I kid, obviously, but it highlights a significant point as to how Autism and ADHD are perceived in broader society and how there is far more grandstanding than tangible services and support; indeed, knowledgeable services anyhow. It baffles me how influential neurotypical people are within the system. Not that I am suggesting it is wrong, as such, as I find it odd, there is a particular paradox to it, if you will.
Don't get me wrong, I am fortunate in certain aspects, primarily economically; I don't have to worry about housing, bills, etc. However, there is a certain finality in receiving the benefits. It is like giving children treats as a trade-off for some peace. It never occurred to me that retirement would come so soon. As I previously said, I had a late diagnosis and worked for two decades prior. If I am honest, it was never really successfully, often obsessively and massively aided by the industry I was in (Gordon Ramsey, anyone?). For two-thirds of that time, I was the boss, so I was perhaps lucky not to have gone through some of the challenges faced by the small number of neurodiverse individuals in the workplace; I was miserable, and it was accepted.
So yeah, there is some context and justification for my opinion. I'm tired of going to see 'specialists' who know less about the subject than I do, tired of treading water in life and close to breaking point on hearing the endless parade of businesses who are "embracing equality, diversity, and inclusivity" in the media (an obvious marketing ploy) yet couldn't identify the basics. How do others feel? Am I alone in feeling like this? It occurs to me that the solution often is worse than the cure or doing nothing at all in some cases. I want to contribute, I want to be busy, and I want to use all the skills and strategies that I have been taught to combat the negativity of neurodiverse behaviours. Yet every avenue I've explored is a dead-end or comes with normative restrictions that mock the rehabilitation process (if that is the correct word).
As the saying goes, "No (insert relevant) is an island", so I open the floor to your feedback and thank everybody for taking the time in advance.
It's my son who is diagnosed. (It has been suggested that I do too but the waiting list is so long and I feel like I'm coping enough to not take up a space in the queue in case I delay someone who isn't coping enough from getting help).
I feel like as soon as someone finds out he's autistic then it's ALL they talk about. Especially some family members. I have one who wouldn't really listen when my son was younger but now she's looked into it she's suggesting all the stuff I've already tried. It's relentless and I just get so bored and fed up and I want to scream at her that just because she knows another little boy with autism it doesn't mean the same things apply to my son. They are their own people and can't be shoved in a box labeled "autistic".
Sorry about the rant. This is the way in which I'm bored with autism. Everyone constantly talking at me about it instead of talking with me and listening.