17 year old getting worse

Hi NAS93123 (it would be helpful if you could assign yourself a nickname, by the way, so that other people posting can recognise you )

First, you're not a "rubbish mum" - you obviously care or you wouldn't be trying to find out how to help her. What I'm going to say may be difficult for you to accept, but it's coming from that same place of wanting to help. Just a very brief bit of background about me - I'm a female in my 60s on the spectrum, with an ND partner who has extreme noise sensitivity.

These are my thoughts on what may be driving your daughter's behaviour:

- She thinks she has been mis-diagnosed: teenage years are really hard, with extreme pressure to "fit in". She may be trying to ditch the "label" as she feels it makes her look different. Maybe she had a negative reaction from another student at college (someone she had just met, who wasn't a friend from school) that impacted her self esteem.

- Noise sensitivities: these are linked to, and will be worsened by, anxiety. A difficult commute and then spending all day in an environment where she doesn't feel she fits in and doesn't enjoy the course she is on, could make her life feel unbearable.

- Medication: you say she was medicated for ADHD, but not whether she is on any medication now. If she has recently come off medication, this could be affecting her behaviour.

So, I'm afraid that my advice would be to allow her to drop out of college. I understand what you say about the real world being hard, but that's why we have the official diagnosis route - so that people who have support needs are recognised and given support. Some autistic people cannot work and some cannot deal with school or college environments - that needs to be acknowledged and accepted. I hated school and sixth form college, and left the college after a year (I was supposed to be there 2 years) as in the first year I became severely depressed and ended up on antidepressants. I didn't know what I wanted to do either - I just got a job in an office and went back to education later, studying mostly through distance learning.

I think that if you tell her you are open to discussing her leaving the college course, it will lessen her anxiety and she may respond to you better. Then sit down with her and ask her what she wants to do/ what interests her. Maybe she could do a distance learning course, or she might be interested in doing some part time charity work near to home, which would look good on a future C.V.  Remind her that she doesn't need to tell anyone she is on the spectrum if she doesn't feel comfortable doing that.

Also, discuss whether she feels it would be helpful for her to take anti anxiety medication to help her cope, and if so, offer to accompany her to a GP appointment if she needs support.

I hope that I have come up with some ideas that will help, and I hope things improve.

Hi NAS93123 (it would be helpful if you could assign yourself a nickname, by the way, so that other people posting can recognise you )

First, you're not a "rubbish mum" - you obviously care or you wouldn't be trying to find out how to help her. What I'm going to say may be difficult for you to accept, but it's coming from that same place of wanting to help. Just a very brief bit of background about me - I'm a female in my 60s on the spectrum, with an ND partner who has extreme noise sensitivity.

These are my thoughts on what may be driving your daughter's behaviour:

- She thinks she has been mis-diagnosed: teenage years are really hard, with extreme pressure to "fit in". She may be trying to ditch the "label" as she feels it makes her look different. Maybe she had a negative reaction from another student at college (someone she had just met, who wasn't a friend from school) that impacted her self esteem.

- Noise sensitivities: these are linked to, and will be worsened by, anxiety. A difficult commute and then spending all day in an environment where she doesn't feel she fits in and doesn't enjoy the course she is on, could make her life feel unbearable.

- Medication: you say she was medicated for ADHD, but not whether she is on any medication now. If she has recently come off medication, this could be affecting her behaviour.

So, I'm afraid that my advice would be to allow her to drop out of college. I understand what you say about the real world being hard, but that's why we have the official diagnosis route - so that people who have support needs are recognised and given support. Some autistic people cannot work and some cannot deal with school or college environments - that needs to be acknowledged and accepted. I hated school and sixth form college, and left the college after a year (I was supposed to be there 2 years) as in the first year I became severely depressed and ended up on antidepressants. I didn't know what I wanted to do either - I just got a job in an office and went back to education later, studying mostly through distance learning.

I think that if you tell her you are open to discussing her leaving the college course, it will lessen her anxiety and she may respond to you better. Then sit down with her and ask her what she wants to do/ what interests her. Maybe she could do a distance learning course, or she might be interested in doing some part time charity work near to home, which would look good on a future C.V.  Remind her that she doesn't need to tell anyone she is on the spectrum if she doesn't feel comfortable doing that.

Also, discuss whether she feels it would be helpful for her to take anti anxiety medication to help her cope, and if so, offer to accompany her to a GP appointment if she needs support.

I hope that I have come up with some ideas that will help, and I hope things improve.