17 year old getting worse

Hi, this is a tough situation for all involved and I would really REALLY recommend you speak to a therapist who is considerate of neurodivergency. The way you’re writing about her suggests you are all at breaking point and it is very hard to get back from this and really needs professional help.

I had a similar experience when I was 17- going from a very structured school day to college is difficult, not to mention the changing social situation that she probably feels nervous about and potentially ill-equipped to handle. This time period is also a ‘hotspot’ for autistic burnout imo- pushing hard to do 16yo exams, navigate 11-16yo friendships, puberty- it’s exhausting! The fact she is struggling with misophonia more as well just suggests to me that she’s absolutely exhausted. Rejecting the ASD diagnosis is also familiar- although I was diagnosed later than your daughter (15) I found it absolutely grating at that age, as it was used as a “well of course you feel like this because you have autism” (from college/mental health services/parents) but then no extra support/actual consideration for the fact I might struggle/no leeway was given to me- it’s easy to feel like there’s no point in having a diagnosis when all it’s used for is to patronise you. 
An art/textiles course does not have to be a be-all end-all. I would recommend sitting down and finding a time when she is not feeling totally exhausted and frustrated or anxious about the week (maybe during the holidays? Saturdays also work better than Sundays as the ‘Monday anxiety’ will exacerbate tension between you)- let her vent a bit to you, appreciate that she feels safe to express her feelings to you (even if it seems like she’s just berating you!), and discuss what alternatives are available. It might be that taking a year out and applying to another course is what’s needed, or choosing something else she’d be more interested in. Explain to her why you feel it’s important she does higher education/learning (depending what your feelings are it might be that ‘learning a language’ or ‘volunteering’ could be acceptable ideas- this one’s up to you) and try to work out a compromise. 
I hope she can find something that works for her, it’s such a difficult position to be in and I recognise it all too well. Just remember that she’s likely pressuring herself a lot more than you realise, and having autism/ADHD (both or either!) in this world is absolutely EXHAUSTING!

Hi, this is a tough situation for all involved and I would really REALLY recommend you speak to a therapist who is considerate of neurodivergency. The way you’re writing about her suggests you are all at breaking point and it is very hard to get back from this and really needs professional help.

I had a similar experience when I was 17- going from a very structured school day to college is difficult, not to mention the changing social situation that she probably feels nervous about and potentially ill-equipped to handle. This time period is also a ‘hotspot’ for autistic burnout imo- pushing hard to do 16yo exams, navigate 11-16yo friendships, puberty- it’s exhausting! The fact she is struggling with misophonia more as well just suggests to me that she’s absolutely exhausted. Rejecting the ASD diagnosis is also familiar- although I was diagnosed later than your daughter (15) I found it absolutely grating at that age, as it was used as a “well of course you feel like this because you have autism” (from college/mental health services/parents) but then no extra support/actual consideration for the fact I might struggle/no leeway was given to me- it’s easy to feel like there’s no point in having a diagnosis when all it’s used for is to patronise you. 
An art/textiles course does not have to be a be-all end-all. I would recommend sitting down and finding a time when she is not feeling totally exhausted and frustrated or anxious about the week (maybe during the holidays? Saturdays also work better than Sundays as the ‘Monday anxiety’ will exacerbate tension between you)- let her vent a bit to you, appreciate that she feels safe to express her feelings to you (even if it seems like she’s just berating you!), and discuss what alternatives are available. It might be that taking a year out and applying to another course is what’s needed, or choosing something else she’d be more interested in. Explain to her why you feel it’s important she does higher education/learning (depending what your feelings are it might be that ‘learning a language’ or ‘volunteering’ could be acceptable ideas- this one’s up to you) and try to work out a compromise. 
I hope she can find something that works for her, it’s such a difficult position to be in and I recognise it all too well. Just remember that she’s likely pressuring herself a lot more than you realise, and having autism/ADHD (both or either!) in this world is absolutely EXHAUSTING!