Public apologies

More often than not, a public figure will have done or said something controversial and be pressured to make an apology statement.

It's an extremely complex matter. On the one hand, I do understand the importance of accountability, especially when it comes to objectively bad things and those in power. I'm not disputing the importance of that at all.

On the other hand, I have many issues with it. I feel quite uncomfortable with asking someone to apologise publicly, regardless of what they've done. I have seen this range from a person's old racist tweets being unearthed, to someone making a passing joke on telly that the individual was offended by.

It's the fact the person has been asked to do it, to the point it feels almost like a sense of entitlement. They're accused of hiding from the situation because they're somewhat silent (i.e. are not tweeting 'sorry' every other second), but what I feel people ignore is the fact there is a person on the other end. They may need to process things in their own time, especially as it's likely a very complex thing for them.

Thousands of people screaming at you about your mistake is not likely to help you learn from it. It may leave you feeling more angry and resentful, and you wish to retreat even more. I think someone in that position would prefer to listen to the people close to them calling them out, not a stranger on the internet who, most likely, isn't coming at it from a place of wanting the person to be better. More often than not, it becomes a bit of a game for the people involved.

Granted, you get insincere apologies ("I'm sorry if you were offended") but you also get sincere ones. Yet, it seems even those who make sincere apologies are torn to shreds afterwards - by the people who asked them to apologise in the first place. It's all very "you shouldn't have done it in the first place" but at that point, there's nothing they can really do about it.

For a number of reasons, I find that quite troubling. I think anyone in that situation is under the belief (naively) that people are saying "say sorry and we'll leave you alone" but it never works out that way. This particularly affects the people who may not have a team around them who could smooth things over for them.

Both kinds of apologies can often read like a PR statement. Very media trained. Some people (namely autistic people) may need time to process it, because we don't want to say the wrong thing (again) but we're not given the chance. You can't blame someone for feeling resentful, and therefore feeling like the entire world hates them.

I worry that there's a growing sense of "you're not allowed to grow from your mistakes". I know I'm risking coming across a bit like an old man and maybe I'm exaggerating how things are, but I've seen this happen enough times to the point it scares me.

I do get that you have people who don't show signs of growth, and find themselves in that position again and again, but I feel everyone who makes mistakes publicly is treated in the same way, like they're all unsalvageable, regardless of how they've handled it or what the thing they did was.

I dunno, maybe I'm in a minority of one on this.