Published on 12, July, 2020
Since realising that I am ‘on the spectrum, (having been assessed and diagnosed) which of course explains and gives reason for my behaviour and way of thinking, nonetheless, I’ve come to bitterly regret being this way - to the extent of feeling cursed. Does anybody else feel this way and would you - as I do - take a safe cure for it, if there was one? I’d hate to think I was alone in this regard.
I am in the middle of accepting this about myself (I'm not diagnosed but my daughter is, which led me down this path of learning about myself). The very first thoughts I had when I realised were related to what you said, that I had been struggling my whole life all for nothing, I was never going to be "normal" no matter how hard I tried. As time has gone on I've been able to think about it more, watch and learn about my daughter with how to support her, and read a lot of encouraging things in this community. This is making me believe (slowly) that since this was who I always was, that this is OK and I shouldn't be trying so hard to fit into a mold that doesn't fit me.
That being said, I still have challenges in believing that completely - I even posted a discussion when I was having a bad day about it which was exactly the same sentiment as what you're saying https://community.autism.org.uk/f/mental-health-and-wellbeing/36288/wishing-i-could-just-be-normal
But... I'm trying to be more accepting of myself too, like when I posted to this more positive thinking thread https://community.autism.org.uk/f/miscellaneous-and-chat/36251/everyone-s-good-at-something-what-are-you-good-at