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Socialising difficulties

Mason

Last Saturday I went away with some people for a friends 30th birthday and I was very apprehensive about it, I didn't know 3 out of 5 of the girls So I didn't know quite what to expect. ive been trying to make friends because I don't have any that live near me but they aren't very like me and they just like going out drinking which I really don't like at all. I decided to make an effort by going an putting up with it but I don't think it was a good idea, the other girls were very rude and I found them difficult to talk to. They wanted to play drinking games which I hate and I didn't play, so they probable didn't like me for that either. I'm light and sound sensitive so I dont like night clubs and I hate people constantly banging into me too and guys messing around and staring at us it makes me uncomfortable. I found them difficult to talk to, even more than usual because they wern't very intelligent at all and made silly unintelligible comments and asked questions which I would answer properly, but then I feel uncomfortable because I don't think they were meaning for me to actually answer them 'scientifically'. I guess we were very different people and they just didn't understand me.

ive no idea why we even went there because they didn't want to see anything of the place, I like the cultural things and going to museums and galleries and they really don't, they just like drinking and that's it. 

what do other people do about these socialising problems? I ended up getting very stressed and 'having a go' at one of my friends because they kept letting random drunk guys into our hotel room and I didn't like it. I don't know how she's taken it and whether she's offended by it or not. I'll have to wait and see the next time I have a shift with her.

Parents

  • This is the problem that autism "creates" you don't get many options for friends because it makes it hard to "network", which is how NTs find friends.

    NTs (sorry to those who don't like the term, but it is harder to explain otherwise than "muggles" for non-magic persons)......

    NTs will find social connections in almost any context, and will use those connections to find other groups of friends. Any NTs out there I am sure can confirm that their present circle of friends grew out of lots of fortuitous connections.

    With Autism or Asperger's you are very lucky to find any group of friends that will take you on and that sometimes means inappropriate friendships. Any parents out there with Asperger's sons who are now Emos or Goths?  Or caught up with evangelical groups that feel they will be blessed for adopting a disabled person?

    Sad to say but some of the motivations for letting someone with autism into a group of friends aren't quite that fair to the autistic individual.

    The crowd you are with at the moment sound hedonistic - getting drunk and merry is the primary objective. It may be that the kind of work they do makes a recreational option that let's them "let their hair down" ideal.

    The problem with a group like that is they don't have a good reputation with others who don't want to get pissed every night. They will be perceived as foolish, insincere, wastrels etc. So when someone comes along and joins in with them who is a bit intellectual and more respectable, albeit a little odd, that person's presence "ups" their image.

    I know this because I've been there a few times - and it has taken a while to realise why I've been adopted so easily, when other crowds I'd rather be with have shunned me. Most social circles that are more sober and intellectual, and worried about image, wont take on someone with autism because it might affect others' opinions of them.

    I've also found that if you get in with the wrong crowd, it makes it harder to change, because once it is known you "hang out with that lot" you wont be welcome in other groups, that might otherwise have welcomed you. I'm sure the NTs or "muggles" out there can confirm that that is generally true.

    In terms of work backgrounds, incidentally, one of the best crowds I've ever encountered are programmers. And that might make sense for many people with Aspergers. But for some reason programmers seem to socialise sensibly and responsibly and still have a lot of fun.

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  • This is the problem that autism "creates" you don't get many options for friends because it makes it hard to "network", which is how NTs find friends.

    NTs (sorry to those who don't like the term, but it is harder to explain otherwise than "muggles" for non-magic persons)......

    NTs will find social connections in almost any context, and will use those connections to find other groups of friends. Any NTs out there I am sure can confirm that their present circle of friends grew out of lots of fortuitous connections.

    With Autism or Asperger's you are very lucky to find any group of friends that will take you on and that sometimes means inappropriate friendships. Any parents out there with Asperger's sons who are now Emos or Goths?  Or caught up with evangelical groups that feel they will be blessed for adopting a disabled person?

    Sad to say but some of the motivations for letting someone with autism into a group of friends aren't quite that fair to the autistic individual.

    The crowd you are with at the moment sound hedonistic - getting drunk and merry is the primary objective. It may be that the kind of work they do makes a recreational option that let's them "let their hair down" ideal.

    The problem with a group like that is they don't have a good reputation with others who don't want to get pissed every night. They will be perceived as foolish, insincere, wastrels etc. So when someone comes along and joins in with them who is a bit intellectual and more respectable, albeit a little odd, that person's presence "ups" their image.

    I know this because I've been there a few times - and it has taken a while to realise why I've been adopted so easily, when other crowds I'd rather be with have shunned me. Most social circles that are more sober and intellectual, and worried about image, wont take on someone with autism because it might affect others' opinions of them.

    I've also found that if you get in with the wrong crowd, it makes it harder to change, because once it is known you "hang out with that lot" you wont be welcome in other groups, that might otherwise have welcomed you. I'm sure the NTs or "muggles" out there can confirm that that is generally true.

    In terms of work backgrounds, incidentally, one of the best crowds I've ever encountered are programmers. And that might make sense for many people with Aspergers. But for some reason programmers seem to socialise sensibly and responsibly and still have a lot of fun.

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