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Socialising difficulties

Mason

Last Saturday I went away with some people for a friends 30th birthday and I was very apprehensive about it, I didn't know 3 out of 5 of the girls So I didn't know quite what to expect. ive been trying to make friends because I don't have any that live near me but they aren't very like me and they just like going out drinking which I really don't like at all. I decided to make an effort by going an putting up with it but I don't think it was a good idea, the other girls were very rude and I found them difficult to talk to. They wanted to play drinking games which I hate and I didn't play, so they probable didn't like me for that either. I'm light and sound sensitive so I dont like night clubs and I hate people constantly banging into me too and guys messing around and staring at us it makes me uncomfortable. I found them difficult to talk to, even more than usual because they wern't very intelligent at all and made silly unintelligible comments and asked questions which I would answer properly, but then I feel uncomfortable because I don't think they were meaning for me to actually answer them 'scientifically'. I guess we were very different people and they just didn't understand me.

ive no idea why we even went there because they didn't want to see anything of the place, I like the cultural things and going to museums and galleries and they really don't, they just like drinking and that's it. 

what do other people do about these socialising problems? I ended up getting very stressed and 'having a go' at one of my friends because they kept letting random drunk guys into our hotel room and I didn't like it. I don't know how she's taken it and whether she's offended by it or not. I'll have to wait and see the next time I have a shift with her.

Parents

  • I have the impression that it has become more and more free of boundaries - there has always been a rebellion against accepted convention, but now there seem to be no alternatives if you don't want to be all crowded in in one room, be it "public" space or a bedroom (or bedrooms), all out on 'relaxation accessories' whether smoked, swallowed or snorted, all noise and close physical contact.

    It is never going to be easy if you don't have full use of non-verbal communication, and the complex noise and lights get to you. Alcohol doesn't help if you need to concentrate to follow what is going on.

    On the other hand the alternatives aren't necessarily any better. People still socialise in less noisy pubs, but if you don't fit in this isn't an easy environment. Some music scenes don't need to be pursued via loose living, but can still be noisy and disturbing.

    It just seems to be one of those areas where there's no advice around for people with autism and aspergers. And while I've only been to one or two aspie groups, they don't do anything for me.

    I recognise the club scene has changed from when I was younger. I've always, both before and after diagnosis, opted for pushing my boundaries. That means going out and trying to survive, and even going to places I knew I'd hate just to confront my demons and try to understand better what made it so difficult.

    House parties are the worst environments for me, because I cannot understand what people are saying against background noise, and I tire quickly and end up looking (and feeling) completely out of it - so don't get invited back. I tend to arrive early and leave early as it reaches my noise threshold.

    Night clubs on the other hand often have very loud music, which prevents conversation, and acts like white noise.  There are always less harsh corners to retreat to. But because I don't have to converse much it is actually much easier.

    I think a lot of damage is done by retreating from social life just because it is difficult. If the kind of thing Mason describes isn't feasible, find an environment that is more tolerable. In the end just getting some social exposure is better than none.

Reply

  • I have the impression that it has become more and more free of boundaries - there has always been a rebellion against accepted convention, but now there seem to be no alternatives if you don't want to be all crowded in in one room, be it "public" space or a bedroom (or bedrooms), all out on 'relaxation accessories' whether smoked, swallowed or snorted, all noise and close physical contact.

    It is never going to be easy if you don't have full use of non-verbal communication, and the complex noise and lights get to you. Alcohol doesn't help if you need to concentrate to follow what is going on.

    On the other hand the alternatives aren't necessarily any better. People still socialise in less noisy pubs, but if you don't fit in this isn't an easy environment. Some music scenes don't need to be pursued via loose living, but can still be noisy and disturbing.

    It just seems to be one of those areas where there's no advice around for people with autism and aspergers. And while I've only been to one or two aspie groups, they don't do anything for me.

    I recognise the club scene has changed from when I was younger. I've always, both before and after diagnosis, opted for pushing my boundaries. That means going out and trying to survive, and even going to places I knew I'd hate just to confront my demons and try to understand better what made it so difficult.

    House parties are the worst environments for me, because I cannot understand what people are saying against background noise, and I tire quickly and end up looking (and feeling) completely out of it - so don't get invited back. I tend to arrive early and leave early as it reaches my noise threshold.

    Night clubs on the other hand often have very loud music, which prevents conversation, and acts like white noise.  There are always less harsh corners to retreat to. But because I don't have to converse much it is actually much easier.

    I think a lot of damage is done by retreating from social life just because it is difficult. If the kind of thing Mason describes isn't feasible, find an environment that is more tolerable. In the end just getting some social exposure is better than none.

Children
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