Published on 12, July, 2020
Helloo,
Sorry to bother people with this, but I was just wondering if anybody is able to help at all here please.
If I'm using sensory aids, whether ear defenders, sunglasses outdoor/indoor, or any other support that helps to keep me calm, is it wrong for someone to ask that I don't do it / comment on it because it makes them uncomfortable? Or should I be compromising so that they feel they're heard /that there needs are met? So much attention was drawn to me wearing sunglasses indoors to help myself and although I wouldn't usually, I've messaged the person to say how it made me feel, whilst still reminding them I love them and they have seen the message from days ago and not replied. I don't know if it's years of the false 'I'm too much' message that has made this hurt so much, or because I thought I was in a safe space, but I cannot seem to rationalise anything in my mind/ really understand.
Thank you in advance and sending light to you all
Is this someone you were trying to be friends with and so were trying to be shift out of your own comfort zone to accommodate? If they ask you to take off your shades can you tell them why you want to keep them on? They may simply not understand what your going through.
If they were just trying to shift you to make themselves more comfortable remind them that they are not the boss of you.
This is someone I've known for 13/14 years. I had explained previously my reason for wearing them. However, I am late diagnosed and only now knowing what can help, so I can understand that being confusing to people that have never known me this way. I don't mind anybody asking why I'm wearing them, if it's to understand. But this did feel like I would have to abandon my self and own needs for the sake of theirs. I'm just not sure where the line is there.
Thank you for your reply, it's good to have two ways it could have been taken, so I can make sure I don't just see one side.
YW.
I would say that if they are true friend and you explain how you want to explore and more authentically express your self as things have become clear to you, and you want to actively empower yourself in this way, it should not impinge on their freedom of expression. They will, hopefully understand and celebrate your uniqueness with out having to have anyone feel special, just unique. Truly. No one is the boss of anyone else.