Published on 12, July, 2020
Helloo,
Sorry to bother people with this, but I was just wondering if anybody is able to help at all here please.
If I'm using sensory aids, whether ear defenders, sunglasses outdoor/indoor, or any other support that helps to keep me calm, is it wrong for someone to ask that I don't do it / comment on it because it makes them uncomfortable? Or should I be compromising so that they feel they're heard /that there needs are met? So much attention was drawn to me wearing sunglasses indoors to help myself and although I wouldn't usually, I've messaged the person to say how it made me feel, whilst still reminding them I love them and they have seen the message from days ago and not replied. I don't know if it's years of the false 'I'm too much' message that has made this hurt so much, or because I thought I was in a safe space, but I cannot seem to rationalise anything in my mind/ really understand.
Thank you in advance and sending light to you all
Moogle said:is it wrong for someone to ask that I don't do it / comment on it because it makes them uncomfortable
This will depend on the context.
If you are dating someone and around them you are wearing sunglasses and ear defenders then it is going to make them feel like you don't want to see or hear them. It would certainly put up a barrier to small talk and any intimacy.
If it is a friend then you have to understand that it is going to have a similar effect of making them feel unwelcome.
Do you want to block them out when around them? Unless you do I think you need to lose the ear defenders around them (but make sure it is in a quiet environment) - the glasses you can get away with I think.
Ah of course. For context, this is a friend who is like family. I engage in conversation better with these support aids than without, as I go to them and it's a bright and noisy place, and using these helps me hear them and talk to them better. There's no way of being able to change where we meet, so I've tried to adapt with support aids and explained my reasons for doing so.
Thank you for your advice, I'll keep in mind how it may come across to others, especially since I'm unmasking later on in life and it's an adjustment for all.