hi

Hi I don't know if I'm in the right place, my 7 year old has asperger and has become extreamly violent and she becoming stronger as she gross older, I have spoken to health professionals and have social services on my case as my daughter is violent to my young babies ( 1 and 2) they are blaming me for her behaviour and don't believe she has asperger even thou the specialist sent them a letter, She is very dangerous so have to keep eye on her 24/7 she stuck her tongue in a light socket when she was 6 because she hears voices and it told her if she done it she be able to fly :'( phycatrist has seen her 3 times due to her hearing voices and they say I need a parenting corse because my baby girl could sit and do a puzzle for 5 mins but wouldn't open up about voice just told them it goes in her ears. Anyone got any ideas how to stop her from hurting me so much as she frightens the little ones when she attacking me.. Also my 12 month old doesn't do eye contact and if she does it limited she likes slapping and screaming if someone she doesn't know walks past her or even looks at her she screams to the point I have to hold her but she hates being cuddled she rather be left alone to play by herself my health visitor said she won't be sending her for assessment as she not prepared to label her the same as her sister. Can she say that!?? Also she doesn't giggle much started to giggle at 9 months old any advice will be greatful x 

  • Be careful.  If you agree, even if in sarcasm, they will record it behind your back.  I know from personal experience how they record absolute lies and twist things.

    Good luck at the Maudsley.  Once the dust has settled, ask your LA to have access to your daughter's social care records and if you find any lies in there, or false opinions, complain and cite the Data Protection Act 1998 which requires all organisations to keep accurate records.  Also ask them to amend or remove inaccuracies.  Otherwise that record will stay with your daughter/family and can rear it's head and cause problems later on.

    I swear, SW's must get training in fantasy writing.  The lack of autism awareness is shocking.

    Try filming your daughter surreptitiously next time and tell the SW that children only scream the place down in places they feel safe to do so, in which case the problem is not coming from her family.

  • i have videoed her violent out burts to show them what i get and they said i made her worse by filming her. they dont know anything about autisum, they say we do somehing to cause the triggers for her behaviour but my routen stays the same i dont change anything cause the effect it has on her, she is becoming violent towards her dad first time in 5 years so she is comfortable enough to do it now with him. i have an appointment with maudsley hosp in london to see one of the top phytriatric person. thats his month so hopefully they will help us as her lies will end up us getting into serious trouble. :( but i say let the social worker accuse she has no right to judge us and doesnt knw my daughter and doesnt know how much she minipulates us i just smile and say ok then if you say so lol.

  • I'm so sorry.  This must be very stressful for you.  The problem too, is that I know from personal experience that social services have no autism training and have no understanding of the issues it causes with behaviour, family dynamics and communication.  So you need to protect yourself to get this straightened out.

    For your own protection, I would take your daughter to your GP asap for a check up, explain what has happened and ask him to do a physical examination to put on record that there is no sign of the so-called beating up.

    Also, perhaps record things your daughter says, if you had recorded what she said in the voice she said it to you, it would be clearer that she is saying it maliciously.  Perhaps maliciously is the wrong word, but low empathy in an autistic child can cause a lot of miscommunication and atypical behaviours.

    My 9yo has said terrible things to me many times, in a cool, collected voice, for instance because I won a game of snakes and ladders against her.  She has also screamed out things which as people don't know the context, they could easily misunderstand and get the wrong idea.  Even my 12yo who is also high-functioning and has OCD about germs has screamed out highly misconstruable things that you do wonder whether the neighbours hear and think the wrong thing.  The thing is, they have low emotional awareness and often empathy, high intellect and communication deficits - it can be a perfect storm for things getting either taken the wrong way or the child not realising the impact of their words or actions.

    Maybe you ought to speak to the GP about getting your daughter referred for therapy to talk through appropriate and inappropriate social behaviours.

    You can also buy social stories about things like this too, to teach why saying and doing certain things is wrong and has consequences.  Here is an example: http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/WHEN-I-FEEL-ANGRY-SOCIAL-STORY-BOOK-autism-SEN-speech-delays-/121271531627?pt=UK_Toys_Creative_Educational_RL&hash=item1c3c58b86b and you can make some yourself.

    Many children with autism also have ADHD and this combination seems to make children defiant, oppositional and even more prone to blurting out inappropriate things.  My 9yo has a history of lying too and I wouldn't be surprised is this is caused by co-morbid ADHD, which she will shortly be tested for.

  • Yea they are telling social services as there duty too. :( 

  • suz I am sorry this has happened to you.  I know how autistic children can say things that are either not true or are highly misleading to the listener.  Have you spoken to the school about it, as obviously they would likely involve social services over something like this.

  • Hi im going through same thing with my 7 year old thurs n fri she went to school n told them her dad beat her up even woke her in the night to do this and wen spike to her bout it she laughed and said I lied to see if u get taken away I'm heart broken to know she can be this vicious :( 

  • Hi looking for any advice going through a really bad spell with my 8 year old, she is very aggressive constantly lashing out, doesn't really want our company spending most of the day on her own, seen camhs ans psychiatrist Put her on risperidone, at the moment making no difference. Really struggling anyone with any advice please 

  • Thanks for advice, afraid we've tried most of this already, doesnt matter if quiet or loud can still get very aggressive for no known reason, which makes it harder to work out triggers.

  • If you ensure other parts of the house are not too noisy/busy she may be inclined to join the family more.  If you have the TV or music too loud (remember what doesn't sound too loud to other family members may do to her) or lots of visitors (whether relatives or not) coming is likely too much for her.  Even the telephone ringer may be set too loud for her.  Siblings playing noisily might be distressing.  Vacuuming, hairdryers or any noisy equipment may cause distress.  Once an autistic child can be reassured the environment is not too loud/busy they may be willing to spend more time with others, but will always need some time out alone in a quiet space at some points.

  • Hi first time using this and im also struggling with my 7 year old she autistic and non verbal recently took to hitting us, we find leaving her in a safe space to calm down works, but also finding now that she spends most of the day on her own doesn't want our company lashes out if we go into her room, feel guilty as she on her own so much but when try to engage she's angry, any advice anyone?

  • Hello have two boys with autism and one at the moment is finding life quite hard , well harder than usual. He is 8 and is destroying items , recently he is tearing apart his teddies , tonight however he has decided to shred apart the pants he wears to bed . The pants are not new they are for wetting/ soiling the bed . By not new I mean he has worn this make of disposables for years . Yet tonight he has taken them apart while he was wearing them . This behaviour seems to be getting worse and I just wondered if anyone else has any ideas , Christmas is hard but we are attempting to dampen this down but not necessarily with any good effect. Any ideas.

  • Social services have no expertise in autism or its behaviours.  It's not their place to say such things.  You need to assert yourself, in a reasonable way with them.  Unless your children are on an at risk register there is, as I understand it, no obligation for you to have contact with social services.  Of course you need to put the childrens' needs first always, and if there is any need for the contact, it's wise to maintain it.

    Did you get a copy of the specialist's letter?  If so, send a copy to your named social worker by recorded delivery with a covering letter (or if you can scan it and email it to them as an attachment even easier), stating that she has a diagnosis (presuming she does, and if not you need to see your GP - taking the specialist's letter and get her assessed asap).

    There is plenty of information on this NAS website about behaviour, quote some links or print off some information guiding the SW to where it explains about violent behaviour in autistic children and the reasons for it.  It could be triggered by the crying of the babies for instance.

    You should put socket covers in all your unused sockets by the way.

    Your HV has no right to fob you off, she may be able in her job to "send" children for ASC assessment, but you don't have to go via her in the first place.  All you need to do is go to your GP asking for referral and explaining why.  Children with siblings that have autism are at higher risk for the condition themselves and that alone ought to be enough but also bring details on paper of signs you have seen.  They are likely to say that 12 months old is too young, but they can start the process and keep it going slowly until she is a little older that way she will be in the system and there is research going on about brain scans for babies that can detect signs.

    When your 7yo is violent, you should hold her firmly with her arms to her sides if you can so that she can't punch, and if possible put her legs against the sofa to stop her kicking out at anyone.  Even better if you can get her to a quiet space to let her destress alone.  It's likely over-stimulation when she explodes, due to sensory issues or high anxiety, and could be caused by letting out the stress of school (sticky on the forum about different behaviour between school and home in autistic children).