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Happy neurodiverse Christmas?

I Sperg

This Christmas for me like many others has been both horrible and wonderful. Reading here a lot of you have had similar experiences.

It seems to be the same for the neurotypicals to a large extent.

As an older person, I remember different (not better, overall just different) Christmasses where the Christian message was "in your face" and most people thought that was O.K. really, unrealistic perhaps  but O.K. and good ideal, etc. 

We accepted that in order to be able to celebrate properly that we all needed to work together to get presents sorted out during Christmas week A.K.A. the run up to Christmas, some of us like me and my dad "just needed help"  fetch food and generally prepare, and that operations were directed and produced by the women and men were effectively the executive arm, and shunted off to the pub so as things could be done easier on Christmas morning. Those of us of a lazier or greedier nature were encouraged to "just this once give a bit more" and genuinely for a few short hours there was a real sense of Unity, and for most of us a vague sense of higher more spiritual levels to existence. It was a time when we could all, briefly, be better than 1970's English people normally managed, and was indeed, special...

Most of my generation, the "boomers", of course discarded the religion, and concentrated on the "presents" and the "drinking" and watching the "Christmas War film" (remember those, anyone?) and that's why Christmas is the way it is today.

For me though, the pressing problem. (I now realise, just as my dad had) is simply being able to manage being in a room with a whole bunch of people interacting continuously, and stay functional and nice. Mellowjian elsewhere refers to it as "being a recluse for a good reason".

For me in the moment this aspect of my Autism is a thing that I am ashamed of. I am surrounded by people all doing their very best to have a good and nice time, and include me as much as I will allow them to. That I need to sit out here with my cat smoking and being alone for longish periods and I feel awkward and stilted without "masking" is not a good thing, or a thing I can be proud of. 

Ever since my Diagnosis I've found new reasons for old problems, but very little in the way of actual solutions.  

I came here hoping to find a well laid out board where common problems and issues and their solutions or workarounds would be highlighted, with a view to helping people like me, better integrate with the neurotypical majority. Now we find that all work older than three years ago will be summarily deleted, (which is probably a good thing from a CT point of view) meaning that a lot of useful posts by the likes of Deepthought and Juniper form Gallifrey and many others who I could name if I made a bit more effort)  will be memory holed. 

SURELY a bunch of Autists could have made and curated a useful archive by now...

IN some areas of life, we really do need to find ways of "minimising the Autism" simply to make life nicer for the N.T's as well as expecting them to make adjustments for us.

I don't ever seem to read many posts suggesting that we need to make adjustments to suit the normie majority, and how best to do that. It may be that my basically unpleasant and confrontational ego makes em skip over them, or maybe there really is a lack of effort being made on our part to "fit in" better...

We all need other people, and like it or not they need us. 

I am finding that Autism is yet another divisive "-ISM" just like the other ism's that are a part of the I Sperg personality gloopiness and needs to be kept firmly in check and made to be my servant, and not my master. 

Does anyone else feel vaguely this way? 

  • in reply to David

    Thank you David. Nice to meet you.

  • I am careful not to use generational labels to describe a set of beliefs, ideals, range of traits, or one's uniqueness. I find doing so further complicates both challenges and solutions. Fact is, individuals within the same generation can have vastly different perspectives, values, and life experiences. 

    That being said, I am pleased to share that due to experiencing bias where neither we nor our children were accepted, my wife and I now make our own Christmas lunch sharing the table with three subsequent generations whom are all loved and accepted; as is. 

    The only shame and blame that I know of comes from fixation on the past where prejudice awaits anyone that looks in it's direction or wishes to project it into the present where it only serves to limit one and those around them. 

    Regarding post deletion, problems and solutions. I recently shared an insight that I derived through much pain and reconciliation of extreme childhood abuse: 'The only ones that can give us kids compensation is ourselves.' The broader context to that is more about attachments and moving on. It also deals with acceptance. 

    This being my most precise and concise way of sharing how I feel. 




  • in reply to Deleted User
    I Sperg said:
    I am surrounded by people all doing their very best to have a good and nice time, and include me as much as I will allow them to. That I need to sit out here with my cat smoking and being alone for longish periods and I feel awkward and stilted without "masking" is not a good thing, or a thing I can be proud of. 

    What I've tried to say in an unsuccessful roundabout way but ended up wittering on about myself is - they are trying to include you. Take this. They obviously think something of you if you are included amongst proceedings. If your being outside with your cat and having a puff doesn't bother them,  don't let it bother you.

    Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick as I don't know your set up. Have you ever seen Gavin & Stacey? I'm not a massive fan but I like Ness. She doesn't give a fook.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    As is customary on boxing day I come on here to offload. Instead of starting a new thread, I'll sneak it in here. Through thr power of deduction, since boxing day 2016, I now understand, totally, how environment and senses have an impact on processing. I was not able to have any meaningful conversations or chit chat with anyone because of this. There's already too much going in. 

    My fatigued brain is unable to mask conversation anymore but my face mostly tells another story. The noise was too much. Ideally I would have liked to have ran out the room. At one point sitting under the buffet table was the most appealing option. 

    It doesnt frustrate me anymore. The people in life I have meaningful connections with, properly, are the ones that matter - I hope they know this. They mean a lot to me. I'm not self conscious like I once was. So what if people don't see "the real me"... Actually they do as appropriate in this sort of environment. I don't want anyone to make adjustments and what would they do anyway?

    It's HARD man. But there'll come a day when these days are but a memory. So I'l l be glad I did it. 

    Unknown said:
    I am very happy now that I have a reason/excuse to say 'no' to things

    Sometimes this isn't an option as we do things for other people because they do things for us. 

  • in reply to Deleted User
    Unknown said:
    I actually need to be around people, on my terms. I need that interaction but my brain often can't cope with it. I dont know how to find a compromise within myself.

    For me, today, you win the internet for that quote.

  • I do think Mr isperg it works both ways. Any relationship between two humans is about compromise. (I see you seem to be saying this yourself...) What is difficult for many adults finding out who they are as adults, is that many have been making adjustments all their life without knowing it and realising how tiring it is. In tandem to that though are the people around us, who have had to put up with the moods,  the black and white thinking, the....strangeness.  If everyone could meet everyone half way it'd be lovely but I think it's unrealistic.

    And with splinters stuck in my bum I shall quietly climb down off the fence and tuck into a mince pie.

    I actually need to be around people, on my terms. I need that interaction but my brain often can't cope with it. I dont know how to find a compromise within myself.

     please see the comments.  Another including myself who would rather we kept old posts open.

  • We have been pigeonholed into cliques, in a world where Democracy is simply Market Research.

    I, honestly, tried to find work; and be productive. Yet, the only jobs offered me where shift roles making PPE masks, and a COVID Lab in Antrim. It was as if no one wants an office job, anymore.

    The Great Unwashed blame the Tories, at the behest of their Media Overlords. However, life under a Tory Government provides wriggle room for those who don't comply. A Labour Government will be full-on Big Brother. Smart Meters mandated, Diesel abolished and more money wasted on vanity projects.

    Merica wants us to be Entrepreneurial, while at the same time crushing opportunities for Small Businesses. They have more faces than the Albert Clock. Yet, the Rest of the World cling to them like Velcro?

    Children have no innocence, anymore. Mainly because Mothers and Fathers abdicated their responsibilities. Just let them watch TV, or use the Internet, they're doing no harm. There was no nurturing or mentoring of kids. Now, young adults are overly medicated, and resentful towards society.

    Homes turned into prisons. Due to irrational fear.