Published on 12, July, 2020
It's that time of the year again when my Good Lady decides she needs to go in to the heart of the big bustling town to do her Christmas shopping. I have tried to convey to her that online shopping is not only cheaper but also far less hassle. However as usual she is not listening to me and is set in her ways.
But it gets worse...
She wants me to not only take her to town but also to go shopping with her!!!
It will be nice to get out for a bit, she tells me.
So quite naturally I have been trying my best to get out of this all week but I am quite depressed to announce my cunning ploys have all failed and I am driving in to London this morning. Drat.
I had pretended to be ill but she didn't believe me. I hid in my study but she found me. The woman is determined, I will give her that.
So, my granddaughter who also has autism has given me tips on how to get through today. I'm glad she has autism, we help each other through the challenges life throws.
I have her tips to assist me today.
This morning I have checked the tyre pressure on the Rolls. All good. I've checked the oil. All good. I started it to go to the post office and it started.
However if by some miracle you are able to save me from this dreadful situation then please do send help to get me out of it!
If you can pay my hourly rate, I'll step up and stand in for you.
I'm famliiar with Driving a Rolls too, and will be able to get enthusiastic about helping her with the shopping. (After all I'll be nowhere near when the presents are opened!) I also can provide an easy to use excel spreadsheet where you good lady can list all her proposed present recipients, apply a simple number between one and ten indicating how much she loves each of them, you can enter the total spend and then she will be presented with a carefully calculated preset budget for each person, which will help her to not overspend.
Yes this is an attempt at humour (although possibly a practical solution if you have money to burn employing me to stand in ain't going to be cheap)
Other approaches you could try are heavy drinking or consumption of drugs, although then someone else still needs to drive the Rolls. (I've got a Rolls Canardly parked on the drive myself).
Find the agent of her favourite celebrity and try and get a home visit that will conflict with her proposed shopping trip.
Obviously there's the "bury her under the patio and tell anyone who asks that you last saw her ordering a taxi to go Christmas shopping approach" but that can have a lot more downsides that might be immediately apparent and I don't recommend it.
Nah, I think you might just have to bite the bullet and suck it down. I carry a camera often to such outings and occasionally get a good or interesting picture to try and compensate myself for the hideous suffering I have to undergo. I did try a strategy of buying something for myself by means of compensation but you just end up visiting money on stuff you don't need, and you are supposed to be wasting your money on things other people don't need...