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Christmas and visitors

Kate Kestrel

Is anybody else on here feeling stressed about Christmas and having relatives coming to your house?

Since the pandemic we are even more uncomfortable than we were before (and we were never keen to put it mildly) with having people come into our home - especially in the winter when there’s lots of viruses around. Two people in our household are more vulnerable to infections and that’s a factor, but we also find it really hard to relax with anyone visiting and our house is very small so it’s all a bit crowded with even one or two visitors. 
The thing is we have a family member who we love dearly who wants to come and stay, but the thought of it is causing me so much stress. However I don’t want to hurt their feelings or be unwelcoming. But I’m just so stressed about it that I’m starting to feel quite ill over it. I don’t know what to do. 
Is anybody else struggling with this? 
And anyone have any good advice to share about how to handle this situation? 
thanks :) 

Parents

  • It has been a long, long time since any of my relatives have visited my home over Christmas. The only people who have stayed overnight at my house have been the likes of close friends of myself and my son, and a couple of ex-boyfriends. Since my dad died just over 4½ years ago, my son and I have spent all but one Christmas at home (just the two of us). We are aware that at some point we will probably need to do the decent thing and start inviting my mother over for Christmas dinner... a prospect we both dread. If my dad was still alive, we wouldn't have as much of an issue with hosting Christmas.

    I appreciate that you do not want to hurt the feelings of the dearly loved relative who would like to stay with you. If you were to explain the situation to them, do you think they would understand? Is it possible that you could arrange to visit them at some point over Christmas? I don't necessarily mean for an overnight stay, but at least it would give your relative and you an opportunity to see each other and spend some time together. It would be a compromise, of sorts.

    Whilst I obviously don't know your relative, I am sure they would hate to think of you getting stressed and unwell, and feeling like you couldn't relax in your own home if they did stay.

Reply

  • It has been a long, long time since any of my relatives have visited my home over Christmas. The only people who have stayed overnight at my house have been the likes of close friends of myself and my son, and a couple of ex-boyfriends. Since my dad died just over 4½ years ago, my son and I have spent all but one Christmas at home (just the two of us). We are aware that at some point we will probably need to do the decent thing and start inviting my mother over for Christmas dinner... a prospect we both dread. If my dad was still alive, we wouldn't have as much of an issue with hosting Christmas.

    I appreciate that you do not want to hurt the feelings of the dearly loved relative who would like to stay with you. If you were to explain the situation to them, do you think they would understand? Is it possible that you could arrange to visit them at some point over Christmas? I don't necessarily mean for an overnight stay, but at least it would give your relative and you an opportunity to see each other and spend some time together. It would be a compromise, of sorts.

    Whilst I obviously don't know your relative, I am sure they would hate to think of you getting stressed and unwell, and feeling like you couldn't relax in your own home if they did stay.

Children
  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    Hi Sparkly,

    Thank you so much for this reply. It’s so nice to know that other people can relate to this as sometimes I feel like a failure for struggling so much with things like this. Your words are very wise and it’s helped me to read them. You’re right - I feel sure my relative wouldn’t want to cause me lots of stress and anxiety. And we could still see each other in a different location at a different time. I deeply wish I could welcome them though - in an ideal world I would. I’ve always struggled with having people come to my home - I just can’t relax when other people come here - no matter how much I like and love them. Thanks for your help x