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Help! Not feeling up to travelling but I don’t want to let people down

Fen

Hi, I was wondering if anyone here had any advice or could at least relate to this. I was gifted a weekend to amsterdam with my boyfriend next month. 

I due to my autism find travelling quite distressing and overwhelming. I don’t really want to go but I feel I have to, otherwise I will disappoint my boyfriend (even though I never asked for this trip and have explained and he has seen first hand various times that I find travelling too overwhelming most of the time).

I also don’t want to go because as much as my boyfriend tries to be understanding and not pressure me, he doesn’t understand autism and how difficult these things are for me no matter how I try and explain it, and how physically exhausting they make me. I am also scared of feeling the pressure of having to be out in public sightseeing the whole time, when I can’t do that without then going in to burnout and feeling awful for weeks. 

Do I go and mask to not disappoint him or do I look after myself and not go and prevent feeling completely overwhelmed and burnout? 

Im stressing so much every day and not sleeping well to the dread of this trip even though it’s 4 weeks away 

Parents

  • From a grumpy middle aged person... Stand up for yourself and do what you need to do. You're bf doesn't understand autism. Bottom line, if he doesn't try why are you still with him? I am extremely jaded and have no tolerance for anyone who puts their need for fun over my need to self regulate and not have meltdowns in which I hurt myself.  I'd tell him to cancel and get a refund, or go with a friend. Your can say you really appreciate the offer but it will make you too unwell and no-one will have a good time. 

    Signed

    someone who can't maintain relationships with anyone and has spent too long in company today 

Reply

  • From a grumpy middle aged person... Stand up for yourself and do what you need to do. You're bf doesn't understand autism. Bottom line, if he doesn't try why are you still with him? I am extremely jaded and have no tolerance for anyone who puts their need for fun over my need to self regulate and not have meltdowns in which I hurt myself.  I'd tell him to cancel and get a refund, or go with a friend. Your can say you really appreciate the offer but it will make you too unwell and no-one will have a good time. 

    Signed

    someone who can't maintain relationships with anyone and has spent too long in company today 

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