Published on 12, July, 2020
Now, I know many of us struggle with emotions and understanding them at the best of times. My emotions are generally all over the place like I'm on some insane car journey and they are driving and I'm the passenger handing on for dear life! At the time, when asked what emotions I feel I can never answer because it's such a complex question for me - but when I'm on my own in the safe haven of my bedroom I can sit and relax, close my eyes and answer a question like this. When I'm with other people my brain freezes, unable to process the answer.
For me my most common felt emotion is tension/anxiety/panic, whatever you want to call it. At times I am calm, that's the second one I feel and recognize most of all. I'm sure there's others but I don't really understand them so can't say what they are. Rarest emotion for me is probably anger, I don't get angry much, usually if I start to get angry it turns in to overwhelming sadness that hits me low for a bit. Anxiety is definitely the emotion that I'm always having to deal with, and it brings with it so many side effects. It can be quite overwhelming at times. I've tried medication to help but then I often think you can't treat and cure an emotion, so I think a lot of it's got to come from within me.
I get a lot of anxiety but I do feel happy and calm most of the time. Life is hard but I make the most of it because having lost family I know how precious life is.
I used to be very sad and anxious, but I am content and happy now, have been for a few years now, because learning to overcome issues in an autistic-friendly way that works for me now means whenever bad stuff happens it's not an unpassable obstacle in life.
Can I have a piece of your brain? Seriously though I'm glad you've been able to get to that stage.
Thank you, it's been a lot of time and effort to get to where I am but it's been totally worth it.
I just wish mental health wasn't sochronically underfunded in the UK so more people could get support and have other options if their first route doesn't work out.
Are you still in touch with your therapist? I think sometimes it feels like it's such slow going it's like standing still sometimes but when you look back you realise you have actually made progress even if it was so slow at the time you didn't notice kinda a deal. TBH it took me years of gradually chipping away at it and it was only in the last few years that progress really took off. It's a war of attrition for sure but the victory is really sweet I couldn't put a price on my mental health so it's important to not give up on trying even if you don't get immediate success.