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Worried about daughter's new obsession

YetAnotherMummy

Hello, I’m new!

I’m Mum of a  gorgeous teenage daughter who was diagnosed Aspergers when she was 14 , she's now 17, following an eating problem. I often thought she was before she was diagnosed, from a very young age I knew she had certain difficulties, that she might be on the autism spectrum and overall she received very good care, has recovered from her eating disorder and is on the whole doing very well. I’m glad we were listened to.

The reason I’ve joined this forum is because I’m a bit worried. The reason being my daughter has always had seemingly random obsessions (some make her happy, and some, like her issues with food, don’t) and recently her focus seems to be, and I don’t know where she got this from, on HIV/Aids. She is very indignant about how people treat people with HIV and about the wrong beliefs people have on how it can be passed on. Of course it’s good for her to be aware of these things, I’m all for people educating themselves for the sake of their health and the health of others, and it’s good she knows things now about a very stigmatized illness and therefore if she comes across someone in her life who is effected she is unlikely to be iignorant and insensitive as some people unfortunately might be. The only issue I have is that I don’t know where this has come from and I think it’s a rather unhealthy thing for someone to be intensely focussed on, but when she becomes obsessed there’s not a lot  anyone  can do – is this a common sort of thing? Does anyone have any advice, or can throw any  light on where this might have sprung from?Any advice would be so appreciated.

Thank you,

YetAnotherMummy

  • My obsessions were horses and ballet, I didnt talk about anything else much and didnt realise how boring I was until someone told me, I was very upset when she told me but had to try to do something to stop it. Now I have got a new obsession but I dont want to talk about it here because its not illegal or bad but no-one likes me talking about it and people tell me to shut up going on about it and I dont want them to say that to me here because I am lonely.

  • Obsessions can bring great joy and happiness, not just anxiety. People with Aspergers don't tend to derive happiness from socialising, so spend more time alone, preoccupied with their own interests. There is nothing wrong with this, and unless the obsession is causing more anxiety than comfort, or it is dangerous, I think having an interest is good; it is far better than having no interest, which could lead to depression.

    When I was a teenager I was obsessed with babies and child development. I read parenting magazines (Mother and Baby, Practical Parenting, Pregnancy and Birth etc) from cover to cover, and watched kids TV, like the Teletubbies and Tweenies!. Yes, this obsession was strange for a 15 year old girl, but it made me happy, although it did get a bit out of hand when I took to following people with babies through the high-street.

    I was also obsessed with the actress Kate Winslet, and got really interested in babies only once she had a child. I watched every single film she was ever in, and this all began with my Titanic obsession.

    Now, age 26, I am no longer interested in the above, and my interests are more varied, although I still enjoy learning facts, and get very interested in certain subjects from time to time. My last big obsession was psychoanalysis, and this obsession ended a couple of years ago.

  • Hello Goldenlady1,

    I've read both your replies now, thanks so much for your time. Reading about your son, it sounds like a control and anxiety thing on his part, so I've actually started to wonder if my daughters obsession is  a control thing on her part. Maybe because she feels judged by others due to her own condition, she has looked for another stigmatized condition (not that autism is particularly stigmatized)and feels she has some sort of strange affinity with sufferers. Either that or she is sexually active and because she has always had a bit of an obsession with illness, and is anxious by nature she's just concerned for her health. At 17 I know this is a natural partof life and don't mind if she is in a relationship, she has been spending alot of time with an old friend of the family recently who is male and her age (they have always been close and she says  he's the only one of her peers who understands her and is always kind to her) and despite what she believes, she is attractive. I just wish she'd talk to me about it...thank you so much again for our help, I really do appreciate it.

  • My son gets his obsessions off the internet as he reads the on line newspapers and also reads articles there.He is also obsessed with his privacy being invaded by Governments and as a result refuses to use his debit card as he says the Government could spy on him through it.He connstantly talks about the American Government,especially with the  news about phones being tapped.When he gets realy agitated by news about privacy he talks about wanting to live in a bunker so he can go off radar and the goverment cant track him.He gets really distressed by his worries and gets beligerent with me soemtimes when I have tried to reassure him or talk things through with him.

  • She may not even know where it came from. I can explain where a few of my obsessions came from; but not one of them.

    I try (and failed badly at least once) to hide my obsessions. At least 2 of them aren't socially acceptable.

  • IntenseWorld my oldest son also complains about his youngest Brothers obsessions.

  • I would also add, that obsessions are a form of control because of existential stress living as a person on the spectrum.  Like stimming is a form of release of stress, and focus, control or just a pleasurable activity.  You cannot remove a person's obsessional traits. (I have Asperger's myself)

    @Goldenlady1, that's interesting because my youngest who is HFA is also less obsessional than her AS sister.  She does get obsessions but I think she has ADHD as well as she changes obsessions and even complains about how obsessional her sister is who's obsessions are very long running and exceptionally intense.

  • Hi YETANOTHERMUMMY

    I can so relate to what you are saying.My 17 year old son who has Asperegers constantly gets obsessions.He is obsessed currrently with world leaders and politics at the moment and as you say good to take an intrest and be aware of things but in his case it goes way over the top.It affects his interaction with others as they don't want to hear non stop talk on such things.He will get up in the morning and not understand why other Family members do not want a hashing over of politics at 7am and can get beligerent when asked if the person could have a break from the subject!!

    He was much less obsessional when taking his meds,aripriprazole and seemed happier in himself and much more sociable but unfortuntaly my ex husband is very anti meds and told him not to take as he was being poisoned and subdued:-( Sadly this ste off an obsession against meds.

    My older son who has High functioning Autism is much less obessional but his obsessions are not ones which affect his interactiosn with others.Gor instance he keeps a jar of every headphone he ever had.When they no longer work he chops off the headphones and puts them in a jar.Totally harmless and I have got him another jar as this one is becoming filled up.

    I thionk the critera for obsessions is how they impact on a persons daily life and their interactions with others.Some obsessions have enabled aspies to suceed very well in their choosen jobs.One aspie friend of my oldest son is obsessed with trains and has got a job with British rail which he is really enjoying.

  • The autistic mind is an obsessive mind, so what an NT might take an interest in (although some do take it as far as campaigning for a cause) the autistic person can become obsessed by.

    The best way to deal with that (if it does indeed even need dealing with), is to distract her with an alternative - but she will always have an obsessive mind.